my CHAPTER of roses

Chapter 231: 1 step at a time

2012-02-01T14:52:00.001+08:00

One step at a time I am taking
One step at a time I am heading
One step at a time my life unfold
One step at a time the future rolls
One step at a time I am putting my past.

Praying for happiness
Praying all turns out well
Praying that Allah has given my final solution.

Cos I've tried hard
Cos I've said prayers
Cos I do not want to be flawed again
Cos I want it to end well.

InsyaAllah. Amin.

posted from Bloggeroid

Chapter 230: lost

2012-01-17T01:04:00.001+08:00

I am;
Lost
Confused
Doubtful
Undecisive
Fearful
Of what should be done next
Of what God has planned my future
Of the path that should be taken.

I remain;
Wary of my decisions
Cautious on how things are
Loveless till enlightened
As I know I will make another stupid mistake
As I know I will break someone heart again
As I know I would want it to be my last love.

Never did I want it to happen again but it did today. I broke a heart...again. I told myself not to shed a tear but it just flows down. I flawed myself...again and again.

Should I go on a vow like how nuns do to not fall in love with man & stay single forever? So no heartbreaks again.

My love life has been cruel on me since I know what love meant.
My love life has never been simple.
My love life has been finding the wrong reasons.
My love life I can't find any destination to it.

I shall stay quiet & succumb to the pain like how I used to.
Staying numb....again.

posted from Bloggeroid

Chapter 229: Poems

2011-12-20T12:46:00.001+08:00

Dead Poets Society. The movie I watched with my Literature mates back in 2004. And till today some stayed true to their arts root and are proud of it. Great job guys :)

This is my favourite scene from Dead Poets Society. Scene was taken when Todd did not prepare a poem to be read aloud in class. And Mr. Keating indirectly helping him to "create" his poem.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aLFQYbjYsso&feature=youtube_gdata_player

This is from another scene-
Mr. Keating said:
We don't read and write poetry because it's cute. We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race and the human race is filled with passion. And medicine,law,business,engineering these are noble pursuits to sustain life. But poetry,beauty,romance,love these are what we stay alive for.
Quote from Whitman:
"o me,o life of the questions of these recurring of the endless trains of the faithless of cities filled with the foolish, what good amid these o me,o life?"
Ans: "that you are here. That life exists and identity. That powerful play goes on,and you may contribute a verse."

So readers, what will your verse be?

posted from Bloggeroid

Chapter 228: Of faith and love

2011-12-14T00:00:00.001+08:00

Faith and love.

Just as how Professor Langdon said in Angels & Demons upon being asked about his faith towards God by the Carmelengo,he said confidently that "I have yet to receive faith," I do have yet to receive love.

Faith and love are greatest gifts from God. Now I am no longer finding for love. No more searching for the light at end of the tunnel.

I am sorry to whoever who I rejected in the past. Reason was I do not feel that love in my heart. I do not want a forgo a relationship based on 1 sided love.

I may have a lot of boy friends (look at the space in between) but none captures my heart. Not because I was calculative but I have yet to receive love.
But it can also means I do not like your character hence just being friends. Not being mean or not giving a chance. But some things you need to do some fast forward future thinking what will happen if I were to be with this person.

I believe that God will definitely gave me love one day. Good things happens to those who wait & persevere.

Like how someone used to say "how better could it get to be with the wrong person when the right person meant for you is on its way."

Of course you could debate about there is right person in this world but remember God has created a life partner and matchmake you way before everyone of us was born.

Its all written. And I still have yet to receive what has been written for me :)

posted from Bloggeroid

Chapter 227: In a confused world

2011-12-07T22:50:00.001+08:00

These world has become a confused world
Look around you and you find the answers.
Gang fights. Gender confusion. Drugs. Social sex. Marital sex. Affairs. Scandals.
Look at the western and eastern countries and you will the answers.
Political leaders fighting for resources & powers.
Mixing politics and religion. Gaining power by using understated means,underworld means.
Illuminati, masonic.
Syiahs.
Nuclear power.
State boundaries.
Look in yourself if you are confused too.
LBGT. A state of inner confusion.

I want to lead a simple life.
Wake up,work,spend time with love ones,eat when needed,pray and go back to sleep.

Humans are the ones that created confusions. GOD never created them.

I am here not to preach. I am here to spread love. No religion in this world their basis to incite war. Love is the basic of all religion.

Build love towards GOD and I am sure those confusions will not build up. GOD willing.

posted from Bloggeroid

Chapter 226: Sick again

2011-10-30T21:22:00.001+08:00

Fever + runny nose + dry cough + bodyaches= URTI

URTI + (muscle + menses) cramps = Terrible sick me

Sick on annual leave. How great.
Sick & heartbroken. Double combo.
Terribly worst.
How worse can it get in the days to come?

Give me strength dear God.
I don't think I can pull this through well.
I might screw it up at the end.
I am tired of whatever has happen.
Just sedate me.
Numb my heart.
Could we fast forward to next year?
Please. I am tired of all.

Chapter 225: Precious

2011-10-06T00:02:00.001+08:00

I let another heart break.
Am I a heartbreaker?
At least my presence changed you
Hopefully for the better.
But I have seen change slowly over past few days.
I know you can do without me.

My guardian friend came back.
Thank God.
Just as how I sense his disappearence back then, I sense his coming back.

A heartbroken guy and a old guy.
They are 2 of my precious guy friends I have.
Unique people.
I pray that they will get wonderful partners in the future.
Bless their lives,dear God. Amen.

Chapter 224: Maksud cinta

2011-09-23T14:42:00.001+08:00

Bait-bait puisi ini dari filem Ketika Cinta Bertasbih yang ditulis oleh Rumi:

Setelah cinta telah ku uraikan
Dan ku jelaskan panjang lebar
Namun jika cinta kudatangi,
Aku jadi malu pada keteranganku sendiri
Meskipun lidahku telah mampu
menghuraikan
Namun tanpa lidah, cinta ternyata lebih
terang
Sementara pena begitu tergesa- tergesa
menuliskannya
Kata-kata pecah berkeping-keping
Begitu sampai kepada cinta
Dalam menguraikan cinta, akal terbaring tak
berdaya
Bagaikan keldai terbaring dalam lumpur
Cinta sendirilah yang menerangkan cinta
dan percintaan

Chapter 223: Fallen

2011-09-17T13:04:00.001+08:00

Its a feeling it can't be forced.
Its a feeling that occur naturally
Its something that hard to be explain
Only in it itself you can understand
The emotions
The struggle
The pain
The beauty
The jealousy
The joy
I think I having that feeling now
I think I have fallen
In love.

Chapter 222: Missing

2011-09-13T16:10:00.001+08:00

All of a sudden,I miss that self proclaimed Johnny Depp lookalike. He was too nice but cos of his unstability and his family background,I had to let him go. He was the nicest guy I ever met. His mum was the cutest ever even if I haven't met yet. He was the first guy that got me to love bikes and make me feel secure riding bikes. I remembered those long bike trips frm cgh to my home in west. I remembered the first time we talked on the phone from night to morning. I remembered those songs you got me listen while you were at your friend house. I miss those funny gang you had.

As time pass by,we grew apart. Messaging less and lesser, eventually coming to halt in june yet i still tried my luck in hope you replied. I still remembered you texted me when you skidded. I knew you didn't do it for sympathy but you want to know how I would react.

Today reading those messages,I realised 1 thing-it's all memories. Sweet memories and I hope you could reply me so we could say goodbye properly. I miss you,guardian.

Chapter 221: long walks

2011-09-12T12:58:00.001+08:00

Walks.
Long walks.
Slow long walks.
Slow long walks alone.
In need of them lately.
In need to find answers.
In need to find myself.
In need to seek solace
Beyond everyday living
Beyond what I could handle
Beyond my strengths and weaknesses
I seek myself
I seek God to be with me in every decisions I made.
Give me peace
Give me strength
Give me patience

Chapter 220: Matured men

2011-08-10T12:13:00.001+08:00

Ever since my last post,it seems my aura has been attracting matured men. I don't know why.

Recently at work, few men were on attachment over my place. And on an unfortunate morning, a friendly older guy came around and have a chat or rather a long talk with me. All of a sudden. What distracts me throughout the chat was his ring on his finger. After that talk,I instantly became famous-the nurse who chatted with that man. His friends kept teasing me.

I mean I don't mind the teasing but please don't tease me with a married man. It's scary. In reality it has happen before but I don't wish to be part of that reality. Lol....scary shit.

Well to tell you readers the truth,that man I was talking about has his charm. Even if he is married. My colleague jokingly said if he wasn't married,I will be sure to grab him. Of course definitely....*flips hair*

Its been twice this month my close friends called me doing *flip hair & walk away* act as a bitch fit. Am I a bitch? But I neither a 4 legged or a blonde to start off with. Hahaha.

All I can say,I shall have my few days more spending time with those men at work. Its not flirting but friendly talks. It makes a huge difference babe.

Chapter 219: Moving on

2011-07-21T14:44:00.001+08:00

Same story different setting different time.
I guess dating younger men and same-age men doesn't work for me. Perhaps dating older men for a change. They are more matured and they understand how women feel and think.
Which comes to a point why the famous Siti dates the old Datuk K.

I am not saying younger men and same-age men are not as par or different with older men but the treatment they provide and understanding they give is enough to make women feel appreciated and understand.

Looking a real life scenario not so far from me are real life examples of my parents. They are 10 years apart yet they understand each other very well and have a good relationship for past 30+ years.

Well,I must admit older men have their hotness too. I just had a lunch with 1 yesterday and another 1 for tomorrow. Both are my friends and are eligible bachelors. Ladies,they are up for grabs :)

Chapter 218: Aku rapuh

2011-06-05T23:20:00.001+08:00

Alyah- kisah hati

Hatiku hatimu
Menjadi satu cinta
Ku rasa hadirmu
Hanya sempurnakan aku
Tapi cinta bukan milik kita
Semua harus berakhir

Cinta kau dan aku
Takkan mungkin bersatu
Untuk saat ini di dunia ini
Mungkin tidak bersama
Hadir di angkasana
Biar ku setiamenjaga cintamu
Selamanya

Tapi cinta bukan milik kita
Semua harus berakhir

Cinta kau dan aku
Takkan mungkin bersatu
Untuk saat ini di dunia ini
Mungkin tidak bersama
Biar ku setia menjaga cintamu

Cinta kau dan aku
Takkan mungkin bersatu
Untuk saat ini di dunia ini
Biar ku setia menjaga cintamu
Selamanya

Chapter 217: Therapeutic talks

2011-04-25T20:34:00.001+08:00

Had impromptu therapeutic talks with 2 people today after what happened past few days and years. I managed to open my dark side to them. Dark side= love life.
Impromptu is always the best. Impromptu gives me the freedom. Impromptu does not restrict or give me unnecessary pressure to answer questions.
Impromptu does not equal to interrogation.
With every tough times, I become a stronger lady. You can take the love in me but you can't take the strength in me.

Chapter 216: Move on...again

2011-04-25T08:37:00.001+08:00

Maybe I said too fast in my posts earlier. I could not keep up with the pace he was bringing me to. Hence I did it again- move 1 step backwards when you moved 2 steps forward. I knew I was going to get scoldings from you,yelled at, frustration from you and disappointment from you in me but like you said its the only way out now. I shall stay this way and how I have been before this. Move on lady...as how fate has told you to do so.

Chapter 215: It has been a problem

2011-04-23T00:20:00.001+08:00

It has been a problem. And I acknowledged the presence yet I can't do anything about it. I hoped she could accept that her small girl has grown up now. Because of her insecurities, I suffered. I was trying to move on. It has been 4 years since I had to the courage to ask permission from her again. The last I did,it got me numb and you sadden over me. And about the on-off relationship that got her sadden as well. Who wants to get heartbroken and hurt again? No one. You've to give me space for my development. I am 23. No longer a kid. I am a working woman but I still abide by the house rules and my religions. I am fit to be of someone other half. So please, I just need your blessings on that. If she didn't, trust me I will be forever be a single.

Chapter 214: I cried

2011-04-18T01:00:00.001+08:00

I cried half of my heart today while talking to him.
I cried on my bitter past
I cried on my bitter heart
I cried on the love stories that never meant to be
I cried on heartbreaks I had
I cried on pathetic love stories I had
I cried on how guys came in and out of my heart
I cried and a sharp pain came to my heart
It pains for the years it was suffering
Suffering in silence
Silence sealed and no whispers allowed
I want to change
For a better me

Sha~ bring me away from this bitter heart. In hope for a wonderful future ahead.

Chapter 213: Empty

2011-04-17T00:17:00.001+08:00

Empty. I don't need any permissions. Make me move on.

Yuna- Permission

so what's the plan now?
are we or won't we?
so what's the deal now?
should we or shouldn't we?

you've taking over my head again,
i'm folding each memory in,
asking permission to keep it in your

empty,
when will you love again,
empty.. is what you are,
without the nice things you had before

so what was it to you
were we or weren't we?
did it come back for you?
now there you finally see

it's already been gone too long
i shoudn't have pick up the phone
i'm asking permission to pretend
that we've moved on

empty,
is what you'll find in here
empty..is you'll see,
a lot of things i've offered you

what am i to you?
was i or wasn't i?
so what you said was true,
did you or didn't you?

you've taking over my head again,
i'm folding each memory in,
asking permission to keep it in your hands

empty,
when will you love again,
empty.. is what you are,
without the nice things you had before

was it love to you?

Chapter 212:Am I falling in love?

2011-04-16T21:15:00.001+08:00

Am I falling in love with you, Mr. Sha~? If it is meant to be,bring me far far far away from my bitter past and my bitter heart. But one thing I ask from you,be patient with me. I am taking things slow. Not repeating same mistake again.
:) i.l.u

2011-04-16T21:10:00.001+08:00

Chapter 211: Silence

2010-12-29T10:39:00.000+08:00

Just like how Charlie Chaplin captivated us with his silent antics, we are still able to understand him.

His body language says it all.

Just like what is happening to us.

Our body language says what our relationship is without even saying a word.

Our body language understands our love.

A silent love.

Silence is a communication.

Yet silence makes one cautious of opening up and moving a step ahead.

That is how we are now.

A silent love that holds you back from talking your heart out.

I can’t hear your desires.

I can’t hear your intentions.

I can’t hear your wants.

All I see is your caring.

All I see is kindness.

All I see is your responsibility.

I take what I see.

What if one day I turn blind,

Would you still stay silent?

Chapter 210: Alone

2010-11-21T18:08:00.002+08:00

Short extract of the poem above:

"Perhaps in the interest of loving oneself, perhaps all those sappy slogans from preschool over to high school's groaning were tokens for holding the lonely at bay. Cuz if you're happy in your head than solitude is blessed and alone is okay.

It's okay if no one believes like you. All experience is unique, no one has the same synapses, can't think like you, for this be relieved, keeps things interesting lifes magic things in reach. "

I am loving how lonely I am right now. Far from lovable people who often text me, in my room alone typing and sipping with a hot cup of Milo. I do miss him texting me even when he was busy at work or waking up in the middle of the night to my message or having long phone chats. It was silence between us lately. Occupied, I guess? I said something wrong, hopefully not? Or he has moved on? Time tells how it will turn out to be. I just wished he will be alright wherever he is and whoever he is with.

I miss you, my guardian.

~from your lil angel

Chapter 209: Gotta let you go

2010-11-06T00:23:00.001+08:00

This is the song of last few days:

Girls Generation- Mistake

This is the song of today:
Aqasha- Raikan Kehilangan

Kekasih
Maafkan aku kini
Harus meninggalkanmu
Bersungguh-sungguh

Berat hati
Beban sehebat ini
Dengan nikmat ku tanggung
Masih beruntung

Terima kasih
Oh kekasih
Raikan kehilanganku

Air mata
Darah pun takkan dapat
Memanggilku harus jauh

Lupakan sudah kisah kita
Nafikan aku
Sesungguhnya aku
Takkan rugi

Teringin
Itu perasaan cuma
Kita raikan takdir

Ingin semampunya
Ku senangi hidupmu
Sampai bila-bila
Aku pun untukmu
Di nurani hayat hidupku

Bukan ku menyerah
Melupakan hasrat ku
Tapi bila aku melihat dirimu
Mungkin ada yang lain untukku

Raikan kehilangan ku..kehilangan ku..

Kekasih
Cinta kita disini
Tak semesti bersatu
Lupakan aku oooo

Terima kasih ooo kekasih..
Ku raikan kehilanganmu

Ku raikan kehilanganmu
Kehilangan ku

Ku raikan kehilangan

Chapter 208: I am keeping quiet

2010-10-24T01:08:00.000+08:00

Yuni Shara- Sepi

After whatever that has happen during that time, I kept quiet. I refused to let it out, even more so to my parents. I feel ashamed of myself. I shouldn't have let it repeat it again.

Let love come to me. I no longer want to search for it. Let it come to me.
That's the only best way.

~hurt & heartbroken little girl

(I am no small, ain't I...22 is big.)

Smile :)

I am gonna move on, strong & fit

Focusing on my studies is way more important now. Shall not dwell on past.

Chapter 207: L to O to VE

2010-02-25T05:34:00.001+08:00

LOVE.

Define it your way.

It's GOD's gift for one to be in love.

Love occurs in any form.

Spread love, don't hesitate even when facing with your enemy.

Love heals.

P/S: I want to be yours. Now, future and forever. Don't walk away from me.

Chapter 206: Crazy love

2010-02-20T21:43:00.003+08:00

OST Sang Pemimpi
Ungu- Cinta Gila

*
Tahukah kau apa yang kau lakukan itu
Tahukah kau siksa diriku
Bertahun ku nantikan jawaban dirimu
Bertahun-tahun ku menunggu
Kau sangka aku akan menyerah
Kau sangka aku akan pasrah

Dirimu tak pedulikan aku
Walau cinta hanya untukmu
Walau kasih hanya untukmu
Walau sayang hanya untukmu
Untukmu, untukmu, untukmu

**
Kau mimpi-mimpiku
Cinta gilaku hanya padamu
Hanya kau belahan jiwa
Cinta membara tiada tara

repeat *

repeat **

Untukmu, untukmu, untukmu

repeat **

Tahukah kau apa yang kau lakukan itu
Tahukah kau siksa diriku
Bertahun ku nantikan jawaban dirimu
Bertahun-tahun ku menunggu
Untukmu, untukmu, untukmu

The tune catches my ear so easily but reading the lyrics, I found a similarity.

A similar situation that happen to you, waiting for me time and time again, years and years for me alone. Yes, it's crazy. Crazy love I said of your love.

Yet, look at it now, that crazy love is the one that got me all hooked up. Believing his love is my true love.

And yes, I will definitely say YES....I still need time. To heal. To be ready.

I am 15% ready....hold on for me, will you?

p/s: I always think of you all these 8 years.

Chapter 205: Engagement

2010-02-13T22:18:00.002+08:00

Engagement.

Something that is considered small but the whole idea is big, in reality.

It’s a preparation before you are legally married.

It’s a stepping stone before you enter marriage life, a miniature of what you can experience in a marriage.

The responsibility, the maturity, the stability.

Hence, it shouldn’t be taken lightly and not be done hastily.

If you are ready to spend your life with that person, you have to be responsible, be matured and be stable in terms of your finances before you ask that girl to get engaged to you.

Being engaged, you are stuck with that person till you get married and till the day you die. That is if you don’t wish to break off ties with him. But breaking off engagement usually brings frowns upon and questions and mystery around it.

So, think twice before making a BIG decision.

2 of my close contacts have break off their engagements and moving on is indeed a DIFFICULT one. Being in an engagement, a relationship where you are certain the other party is for you, makes you harder to let it go even how things have been done to saved it….making moving-on-with-life “OH SO DAMN MISERABLE !”

Now, does that answer why I didn’t take your calls and messages….cos’ I am afraid that we are rushing in this relationship even though we have known each other for 7 years. I don’t want to go through what someone in my family has been through…..it’s tough. Real tough.

Could we take one step at a time?

Please I beg you don’t force me like you did 7 years back….it’s suffocating.

If we are meant to be together we will, like how we met and become close even after 7 years.

So please think of it. Don’t ruin the entire relationship by making a decision based on what you think should be done NOW.

We both have a whole life ahead of us. Spare a thought for each other.

P/S: I love you.

chapter 204: almost lover

2009-12-28T01:25:00.004+08:00

Goodbye my almost lover.

Thanks for everything. Even though it's short while. I don't think I would want to make you my close friend for now. Let's pretend to be strangers for now.

Those midnight calls.

Now, it's awkward just talking over phone or msn let alone meeting up.

We were almost, almost there. I was single but not available then. Now Iam single & available. Should I be happy or sad?

If you are happy of your decision, then I shall be happy for it too.

Guess you too are not the one too. None really tells me who I am really in their eyes so far. Not gentleman. Feelings shouldn't be toyed around.

I'm not finding anymore. Dead tired. Serious.

Bestie, can I let open the decision now to others to decide for me? I am seriously exhausted of this same old game. Too cliche, old school.

A fine frenzy- Almost lover

I am sorry for not being perfect.

Chapter 203: Beri aku cinta, ya Tuhan

2009-12-02T16:10:00.003+08:00

Ya Tuhan, berikanlah hambamu ni cinta yang hakiki, cinta yang abadi, cinta yang diredhai olehMU. Amin.

Ayushita- Tuhan, beri aku cinta (OST Ketika Cinta Bertasbih)

Chapter 202: confuse mode

2009-11-30T21:43:00.002+08:00

30th Nov 09.

I was in a confused mode today yet excited.

First, went out with my guy cousin today during the day. Will not know him if my cousin didn't marry his brother though. He was my type of guy I like but we are now binded my blood ties so I guess, it's different.

Second, ex-colleague (or rather not, 'cos I didn't work with him) and he texted me; " I was wondering if we could be an item."

Just as I enjoyed my singlehood, I do want to be something to someone.

From 1 long term crush to 3 consecutive heartbreaks to twice failed pre-arranged matchmake (believe or not, I was the one who destroyed their idea *evil grin*), I believe staying single is my BEST option for now.

Yes, I was being matchmaked. Twice. Terrible them. In this era??? How can they think of an idea as that?!!

L.O.V.E

Something I will not want to talk about now. I choose to recognise infatuation, crush, flings for now.

I wish to be alone for awhile.

Chapter 201: 20 going on...12?

2009-11-25T13:19:00.006+08:00

Chapter 201. It's been a long time though since I write in my blog.
Work, family, work, personal and more work I guess kept me buried and I buried my face in the prayer mat.

Being more closer to GOD. I feel sense of satisfaction and calmness last Hari Raya Aidiladha without anyone/anything trying to hurt me with those nasty words. Remembered those 2 consecutives years where I got all hurt over some immature guys, sorry to say this.

This year's Ramadhan was similar to those 2 years but I managed to control myself, the feeling and what do I get now, I emerged as a winner. I knoow deep in him, he loves me. But time will tell if our fate stays strong together. He is a gentleman with patience, understanding, a rare kind I must admit. But me being the stubborn me, with a mission this year to complete, I shall not embrace this feeling as yet. Time will tell.

Sitting on bed, typing on laptop on the day I was born 21 years back, brought many memories. 2 decades has passed and whatever good came from it, I shall bring it along. Whatever bad memories, it's better to move on. Shouldn't linger in our mind for so long, it will bring depression.

Often at work, I get people saying if I am older than what I look like whenever I opened my mouth. It's the other way round if I were to silence myself depending on my size.

I learned from life, if you want to speak, find the right words. If you going to hurt someone, better not talk lest you are praising the person with good words.

Mature. a BIG word. Everyone in one way or another learn how to be mature. Time will tell. It depends on individual, whether you learn from your past and look ahead or just enjoy through your life, taking for granted what is happening around you.

Your mind controls your maturity. Your heart controls you.

Indeed, I have so much to blurt out on this beautiful afternoon.. I shall end my post here. Will definitely write in again. This blog wouldn't close, I promise.

A promise is a promise. Not compromises.

P.S happy birthday to me :)

Chapter 200: Being a NEW me

2009-07-14T22:46:00.004+08:00

I had an intense chat with someone much older than me. He made me realised who I truly am. I knew that the little girl in me has to resurface one day and he was one who did it on the dot to find what's wrong with me.Right on target. Right diagnosis. (hint hint)

We both just know each other. He often kid around saying "I'm a Disney club kid." Haha. And I call him "Hungry Bear." It's funny how at work we don't talk much but after that we will talk and talk and talk like yesterday night.

He admitted to having love me and me having a crush on me.

BUT

We have made a deal: Not to fall in love with each other.

We had our differences. Big difference. Color, attitude, character.

But I love having that deal. We just be who we are but we know we can't be in love.

Both of us believe we wouldn't want to make each other a victim of conquests. Haha.It sounds wrong though. Haha.

I do get it when he said that. Oh well, I am happy with how we turn out to be as of NOW. Close friends.

Love can wait. I am in no hurry.

PS: Isn't it nice if your other partner isn't Malay cos' Malays tend to rush in marriage and love. Hate it. Period~!

Chapter 200 marks a new lap in my life. Being a NEW me. And I shall resurface the little girl buried deep deep deep within me.

Thanks to you, my friend. You're God's gift.

XOXO ladyrose.

Chapter 199: Masih Jelas

2009-06-24T20:25:00.002+08:00

Lagu ini sangat dekat dengan hatiku. Terutama aku dapat tahu berita itu daripada mu.
Terima kasih untuk segalanya.

Aku akan teruskan hidup ini.

Masih jelas raut wajahmu.
Masih jelas senyumanmu.
Masih jelas kata-katamu.
Masih jelas caramu.
Masih jelas cintamu.
Walaupun sudah 7 tahun.
Dengan macam apa yang terjadi di antara kita.
Dengan segala desakan darimu dan segala tolakkan dariku.
Masih jelas......

Takdir tidak akan berubah.
Kita tidak akan bersama.

Teruskan hidupmu.
Aku akan teruskan dengan hidupku.

Terima kasih.

Chapter 197: Woman with a turban

2009-01-16T14:30:00.002+08:00

Perempuan berkalung sorban (Woman with a turban)

OST Perempuan berkalung sorban

Siti Nurhaliza- Ketika cinta

Opick- Ketika cinta

The latter first recorded the song. But I guess for commercial wise, Siti re recorded the song for the movie.

Take your pick listeners.

Review of the movie. * In Bahasa Indonesia*

Ini adalah sebuah kisah pengorbanan seorang perempuan, Seorang anak kyai Salafiah sekaligus seorang ibu dan isteri. Anissa (Revalina S Temat), seorang perempuan dengan pendirian kuat, cantik dan cerdas. Anissa hidup dalam lingkungan keluarga kyai di pesantren Salafiah putri Al Huda, Jawa Timur yang konservatif. Baginya ilmu sejati dan benar hanyalah Quran, Hadist dan Sunnah. Buku modern dianggap menyimpang

Dalam pesantren Salafiah putri Al Huda diajarkan bagaimana menjadi seorang perempuan muslim dimana pelajaran itu membuat Anissa beranggapan bahwa Islam membela laki-laki, perempuan sangat lemah dan tidak seimbang

Tapi protes Anissa selalu dianggap rengekan anak kecil. Hanya Khudori (Oka Antara), paman dari pihak Ibu, yang selalu menemani Anissa. Menghiburnya sekaligus menyajikan dunia yang lain bagi Anissa. Diam-diam Anissa menaruh hati kepada Khudori. Tapi cinta itu tidak terbalas karena Khudori menyadari dirinya masih ada hubungan dekat dengan keluarga Kyai Hanan (Joshua Pandelaky), sekalipun bukan sedarah. Hal itu membuat Khudori selalu mencoba membunuh cintanya. Sampai akhirnya Khudori melanjutkan sekolah ke Kairo. Secara diam-diam Anissa mendaftarkan kuliah ke Jogja dan diterima tapi Kyai Hanan tidak mengijinkan, dengan alasan bisa menimbulkan fitnah, ketika seorang perempuan belum menikah berada sendirian jauh dari orang tua. Anissa merengek dan protes dengan alasan ayahnya.

Akhirnya Anissa malah dinikahkan dengan Samsudin (Reza Rahadian), seorang anak Kyai dari pesantren Salaf terbesar di Jawa Timur. Sekalipun hati Anissa berontak, tapi pernikahan itu dilangsungkan juga. Kenyataan Samsudin menikah lagi dengan Kalsum (Francine Roosenda). Harapan untuk menjadi perempuan muslimah yang mandiri bagi Anissa seketika runtuh

Dalam kiprahnya itu, Anissa dipertemukan lagi dengan Khudori. Keduanya masih sama-sama mencintai.

Apakah cinta anissa dan Khudori berakhir di pernikahan? Bagaimana hubungan Anissa dan kedua orang tuanya dan Samsudin suaminya? Apakah Anissa dapat menjadi muslimah seperti yang diinginkan orang tuanya?

Chapter 197

2009-01-16T14:29:00.000+08:00

Chapter 196: 11 january

2009-01-11T22:12:00.001+08:00

Gigi- 11 Januari

So many things have happened within the 2 months since I work in the new department. Got used to intubations, resuscitation,drunkards, detainees, foreign workers, DEM regulars and not forgetting the risks and dearly lives of people that depend of the healthcare workers to cure them. Also, heard many gossips that mostly are true as seen and experience by yours truly. Overall, its an eye opening for me working there.

Oh yeah, dear me has been spending and shopping. Just this month, bought new jeans, phone, body products, clothes, bags. Oh well, shopping is a therapy for ladies. Furthermore, it's my money not my parent's money.

Being single is nice, serious.

Yet, you gotta have the confidence in leading your life alone.

Like what my close friend did tell me once, "your prince charming will be arriving late." Replied by saying "maybe he is taking a ride from the tortoise."

PS- Stop match making me. Stop harrasing, calling, messsaging people from your past. MOVE ON WITH LIFE!!!

Chapter 195: Muallaf

2008-12-04T11:51:00.002+08:00

Watched the movie Muallaf with my mother on Sunday after my post night shift that day. I am a self proclaimed Yasmin Ahmad fan since I watched Sepet though she produced Rabun much earlier.

Read this movie review from John Li, movieXclusive, Singapore. (taken from Yasmin blog)

"Every once in a while, it is good to appreciate a film which doesn’t bombard you with explosions, car chases, silly slapstick and over the top computer generated effects. The wham bam of things numb our senses so much, we take these hustle and bustle as part of our lives. So when a film which makes us reflect on our inner selves comes along, we realize the impact it has on our well being.

Malaysian filmmaker Yasmin Ahmad’s fifth feature finally makes its way to our busy city to seek audiences who are willing to make an effort to search deep within themselves to realize the true meaning of forgiveness.

After the Orked trilogy (Sepet, Gubra, Mukhsin) which centers on a Malay girl’s trials and tribulations like her interracial relationships and childhood romances, Ahmad writes another provocative story about two Malay sisters staying away from their violent father.

Just when they thought that things were fine in the small town they were staying in, a Chinese teacher with a secret past comes along. He becomes drawn to the sisters’ charismatic personalities and these three troubled souls will soon find solace in each other and understand the meaning of forgiveness.

One can immediately pick out the religious undercurrents with the protagonists being Malay and Chinese. Being a film made in Malaysia, this will definitely evoke some discussions in its home country. We’ve got a Malay woman and a Chinese man being attracted to each other. We’ve got a young girl who has the strange ability to quote from holy books and ancient scriptures. We’ve got a Malay woman acting like a tomboy and working in a nightclub. If these aren’t enough to trigger controversial discussions in Malaysia’s media, we don’t know what will.

There are several themes and subject matters in the film that will set you thinking, that is, if you're prepared to.

First, because the film is set in Malaysia, there are certain contexts and situations which local audiences may not get. Nuances like cultural practices and body movements may alienate the unfamiliar viewer.

Second, the film deals with heavy handed topics which may not be the best things to think about on a difficult day at work.

But that shouldn’t deter you from making sense of this well written story to recognize that although religion cloaks this movie, it is the universal message that love for others creates opportunities for us to forgive and reconcile with ourselves that matters.

Having worked with the director on her three previous films, lead actress Sharifah Amani is evidently comfortable in her role as the protective elder sister who is determined to make a difference in her life. Her real life younger sister Sharifah Aleysha has natural chemistry with her older sister in the film. Brian Yap plays the Chinese teacher with a quiet reluctance which allows viewers to ponder about his troubled character. Also, watch out for performances by “881 Sister” Yeo Yann Yann as a nightclub girl, Malaysian singer Ning Baizura as a flamboyant stepmother, and also fellow Malaysian filmmaker Ho Yuhang.

While these characters are not glamourous and dolled up personalities, they are a true reflection of this thing we call life."

So to those who hasn't watched Muallaf, please do so. I highly recommend it. 2 thumbs up!!

Chapter 194: Running away

2008-11-19T22:30:00.003+08:00

exhausted.

tired.

weak.

I wish it just stay where it was supposed to be it. Yet I know, it wouldn't be that easy.

Please stop running and trying. Cos' I am real tired facing the truth.

You just stay where you are. No need to do explanations cos' I know it was over.

You left me out of love. Numb. Confused.

So stay away cos' after if I give you a chance, you just dropped it.

I'm real tired.

I am better alone for as long as I can sustained it.

Bisik ku pada bulan
Kembalikan temanku
Kekasihku, syurgaku

Tanpa dia malam menemaniku
Sepi memelukku

Bulan jangan biar siang biar malam ini kelam
Biar ia sepi sepertiku

Chapter 193: Modern poet

2008-11-14T22:58:00.004+08:00

I am in love with modern poets aka rappers since I first knew what was rap all about. Probably around the age of 13 when Eminem was on the rise. And I started searching over the net for his lyrics but now more and more rappers are rising. You've got to choose the best what your ears want to hear. And my ears chose to hear this. Listen and read their lyrics. They are sending you a message.

T.I - Swagger Like Us ft. Kanye West, Jay Z, & Lil Wayne

No one on the corner have swagger like us
Swagger like us, swagger like us
No one on the corner have swagger like us
Swagger like us, swagger like us
No one on the corner have swagger like us
Swagger like us, swagger like us
No one on the corner have swagger like us
Swagger like us, swagger like us

[Kanye West]

Mr. West is in the building
Swagger on a hundred thousand, trillion
Ayo I know I got it first
I'm Christopher Columbus, y'all just the pilgrims
Thanksgiving do we even gotta question
Hermes pastel I pass the dressing
My attitude is tattooed
That means permanent so I guess I should address it, huh?
My swagger is mick jagger
Every time I breathe on the track I asthma attack it
Why he's so mad for, why he gotta habit
Cuz I slaved my whole life, now I'm the master

Na-Na-Na, how it feel to wake up and be the (shit)
And (Urine) Na-Na-Na-Na-Na
Trying to get that Kobe number, one over Jordan

No one on the corner have swagger like us
Swagger like us, swagger like us
No one on the corner have swagger like us
Swagger like us, swagger like us
No one on the corner have swagger like us
Swagger like us, swagger like us
No one on the corner have swagger like us
Swagger like us, swagger like us

[Jay-Z]

No one on the corner gotta bop like this
Can't wear skinny jeans cuz my knots don't fit
No one on the corner gotta pocket like this
So I rock Roc jeans cuz my knots so thick
You can learn how to dress just by jocking my fresh
Jocking jocking my fresh
Jocking jocking my fresh
Follow my steps, it's the road to success
Where the niggas know you thorough
And the girls say yes

But I can't teach you my swag
You can pay for school but you can't buy class
School of hard knocks I'm a grad
And that all-blue yankee is my graduation cap, it's
Hova, dipping different rovers whipping with the soda
Hova, could u even have any doubt that the doubt is over

No one on the corner have swagger like us
Swagger like us, swagger like us
No one on the corner have swagger like us
Swagger like us, swagger like us
No one on the corner have swagger like us
Swagger like us, swagger like us
No one on the corner have swagger like us
Swagger like us, swagger like us

[Lil Wayne]

No one on the corner has swagger like moi, Church
But I'm too clean for these boi
I require what I desire I got stripes, A-di-das
Mami scream papi no mas
Run up in your shit just me no moss
Runnin this shit like I got four thighs
No one has swagger like these four guys
When it comes to styles I got several
Sharper than a swagger dagger all metal
And my jewelz blue and yellow
Type of shit that make em call you Carmelo
Rules as follows stay true to the ghetto
Write your name on the bullet make you feel special
Ha, what the fuck you boys talking about?
I know it's us cuz we the only thing you talk about

No one on the corner have swagger like us
Swagger like us, swagger like us
(And I'm gone)
No one on the corner have swagger like us
Swagger like us, swagger like us
(Bye! )
No one on the corner have swagger like us
Swagger like us, swagger like us
No one on the corner have swagger like us
Swagger like us, swagger like us

[T.I.]

{YOU THINK}

You go see Weezy for the wordplay,
Jeezy for the birdplay,
Kan-yeezy for diversity and me for controversy,
All my verses picture perfect only spit to serve a purpose,
You ain't living what you kicking and you worthless,
Looking from the surface it may seem that I got reason to be nervous
Then observe my work and see that my adversity was worth it,
Verses autobiographical, absolutely classical,
Last thing I'm worried 'bout is what another rapper do,
Ain't nobody hot as me...
Even if they rap they ass off blast, off and have outstanding qualities,
Sell alotta records I respect and salute that,
But spitting real life on hot beats...
I'm the truth at, you kick it like me no exaggeration necessary,
Living revolutionary, nothing less than legendary,
Gangsta shit hereditary, got it from my dad
Flow colder than February with extraordinary swag

No one on the corner have swagger like us
Swagger like us, swagger like us
No one on the corner have swagger like us
Swagger like us, swagger like us
No one on the corner have swagger like us
Swagger like us, swagger like us
No one on the corner have swagger like us
Swagger like us, swagger like us

The next 2 videos are in Malay.

Malique & Cat Farish -Ok

The next one is my favourite.

Malique feat.Tun Dr.Mahathir-Layu

To those who want the lyrics to Malique- Layu, I have done this. Feel free to take it. I have "marked" it there too. haha.

P/S: I am still out of love

Chapter 192: I don't give a damn

2008-11-12T22:10:00.005+08:00

It sounds rude.

"I don't give damn about is happening to you anymore."

Yup, I am feeling that way lately because of YOU.

YOU hurt my feelngs.
YOU thought it was perfectly ok.
YOU regretted your actions later.
YOU thought you were a sweet talker.
YOU thought I am over your money.
YOU thought YOU were a player.
but you forgot...
I can hurt your feelings too; even meaner.
I will make you feel it's perfectly not ok.
I will make you feel what a lousy guy you are.
I will make you feel that I only treasure someone with the right attitude.
I will make you feel you are a loner.

I am getting meaner by days. I don't want people to be stepping on me again. I don't want to get hurt again over some foolish guys who doesn't know where the hell they are standing on this Earth. Get real guys.
Yesterday did some bitching over the phone with my coursemate turned spy.Bestie, it ain't flirting aite. It's reality check.

That's why I say love is dead for me. I am out of love. Love lockdown.

Still I can smile.

It's the best way now. Let it remain for now.

Chapter 191: It is in forgiving that we are forgiven

2008-11-05T22:55:00.003+08:00

Somehow this song is relevant to my context.Watch the video and understand the lyrics.

Katy Perry- Hot and Cold

You change your mind
Like a girl changes clothes
Yeah, you PMS like a bitch
I would know

Yeah, you always think
Always speak cryptically
I should know
That you're no good for me

'Cause you're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in and you're out
You're up and you're down
You're wrong when it's right
It's black and it's white
We fight, we break up
We kiss, we make up

You, you don't really wanna stay, no
You, but you don't really wanna go, oh

'Cause you're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in and you're out
You're up and you're down

We used to be just like twins, so in sync
The same energy now's a dead battery
Used to laugh 'bout nothing
Now you're plain boring
I should know
That you're not gonna change

'Cause you're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in and you're out
You're up and you're down
You're wrong when it's right
It's black and it's white
We fight, we break up
We kiss, we make up

You, you don't really wanna stay, no
You, but you don't really wanna go, oh

Someone call the doctor
Got a case of a love bipolar
Stuck on a rollercoaster
Can't get off this ride

You change your mind
Like a girl changes clothes

'Cause you're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in and you're out
You're up and you're down
You're wrong when it's right
It's black and it's white
We fight, we break up
We kiss, we make up

You, you don't really wanna stay, no
You, but you don't really wanna go, oh

'Cause you're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in and you're out
You're up and you're down, down, down, down

Photo credits to ever so talented Yasmin Ahmad. I am a huge fan of her works.

So I am really excited when Muallaf is releasing soon. More touching souls movies, more quotes, more tears filled scenes,more heart felt scenes. An avid lover of her works.

Can't wait for 27 November.

Chapter 190: Women power

2008-11-05T22:49:00.003+08:00

To those women who are battling with cancer, this song is for you. And for every women out there, live the spirit. Don't give up, through it all. Just stand up.

Beyonce: The heart is stronger than you think
It's like it can go through anything
And even when you think it can't it finds a way to still push on, though
Carrie: Sometimes you want to run away
Ain't got the patience for the pain
And if you don't believe it look into your heart the beat goes on

Rihanna: I'm tellin' you that
Things get better
Through whatever
If you fall, dust it off, don't let up
Nicole: Don't you know you can go be your own miracle
Beyonce: You need to know

CHORUS
Sheryl: If the mind keeps thinking you've had enough
But the heart keeps telling you don't give up
Sheryl/Beyonce: Who are we to be questioning,
wondering what is what
Don't give up
THROUGH IT ALL, JUST STAND UP!

Fergie: It's like we all have better days
Problems getting all up in your face
Leona: Just because you go through it
Fergie: Don't mean it got to take control, no
Leona: You ain't gotta find no hiding place
Keyshia: Because the heart can beat the hate
Leona: Don't wanna let your mind keep playin' you
Keyshia: And sayin' you can't go on

Rihanna: I'm tellin' you that
Miley: Things get better
Through whatever
Rihanna: If you fall
Miley: Dust if off, don't let up
LeAnn: Don't you know you
Natasha: Can go
LeAnn: Be your own
Natasha: Miracle
Carrie: You need to know

Ensemble: CHORUS
If the mind keeps thinking you've had enough
But the heart keeps telling you don't give up
Who are we to be questioning, wondering what is what
Don't give up
THROUGH IT ALL, JUST STAND UP!
IF WE ALL, JUST STAND UP!
Mary: You don't gotta be a prisoner in your mind
Ciara: If you fall, dust it off
Mary: You can live your life
Rihanna/Carrie: Yeah
Mary: Let your heart be your guide
Rihanna/Carrie: Yeah yeah yeah
Mariah: And you will know that you're good if you trust in the good
Ashanti: Everything will be alright, yeah
Light up the dark, if you follow your heart
Mary: And it will get better
Mariah: Through whatever

Ensemble: CHORUS
If the mind keeps thinking you've had enough
But the heart keeps telling you don't give up
Who are we to be questioning, wondering what is what
Don't give up
THROUGH IT ALL, JUST STAND UP!
Fergie: You got it in you, find it within
You got in now, find it within now
You got in you, find it within
You got in now, find it within now
You got in you, find it within
Find it within you, find it within
Everyone: THROUGH IT ALL, JUST STAND UP!

Chapter 189: Love lockdown

2008-10-31T13:20:00.002+08:00

Been feeling that way recently. Don't ask why.

Watch the Video Music Awards and official MTV by Kanye West entitled Love Lockddown. I have included the lyrics too.

MTV VMA 2008 live performance. His performance has the vibe and captured the intensity.

Official Video. I well understood what he was trying to get at with all those characters. Great job Kanye & productions.

The lyrics:
I’m not loving you
Way I wanted to
What I had to do
Had to run from you
I’m in love with you
But the vibe is wrong
And that haunted me all the way home

So you never know
Never, never know
Never know enough
Til it’s over love
Til we lose control
System overload
Screamin no no no no no

I’m not lovin you
Way I wanted to
See I want to move
But can’t escape from you
So I keep it low
Keep a secret code
So everybody else don’t have to know

So keep your love locked down
Your love locked down
Keepin’ your love locked down
Your love locked down
Now keep your love locked down
Your love locked down
Now keep your love locked down
You lose

I’m not lovin’ you
Way I wanted to
I can’t keep my cool
So I keep it true
I got something to lose
So I gotta move
I can’t keep myself
And still keep you too

So I keep in mind
When I’m on my own
Somewhere far from home
In the danger zone
How many times did I tell you
‘fore it finally got through
You lose you lose

I’m not lovin’ you
Way I wanted to
See I had to go
See I had to move
No more wastin’ time
You can’t wait for life
Were just racin’ time
Where’s the finish line

Chorus 1X

I’m not lovin’ you
Way I wanted to
I’ve been no one new
I got no one new
No I said I’m through
But got love for you
But I’m not lovin’ you
Way I wanted to

Gotta keep it going
Keep the lovin’ going
Keep it on a role
Only god knows
If I’ll be with you
Baby I’m confused
You choose, you choose

I’m not lovin you
Way I wanted to
Where I want to go
I don’t need you
I’ve been down this road
Too many times before
I’m not lovin you
Way I wanted to

Chorus 1X

You lose
You lose
You lose
You lose

Chapter 188: Weight lost

2008-10-29T16:14:00.003+08:00

One and half month ago, someone told me I lost weight.

Denies it.

A month ago,my colleague told me I lost weight and my a** is kinda flat.

Denies it.

25th October, my ex course mate met up with me and say I am losing weight.

Denies it still.

26th October. Before meeting my SNASC peeps, met up with my twin. She told me I have become a stick.

Denies it still.

On that same day, 1 of my SNASC peeps told me I have gotten skinner.

Still in denial state.

28 October, checked my weight and yes I really do lost weight. Not 1 but almost 4kg. Don't ask me why, what happened.

See, when you are denial, you refused to accept what others say of you. And yes, it took me 1 and half months for me to believe what they told you. I know I am not gullible. Haha.

So here I am, happy that I lose weight and will maintain that weight. Sheesh!

I have a secret.
A secret no one knows.
Not even my parents,my twin, my bestie knows of.
Not a single soul knows of it.
Never will I will breathe the secret out.
Let it be between me and God.
That secret shouldn't be made known to anyone.
Let it remain that way.
Better and safer till the time comes.

Take one step at a time.

Chapter 187: from 9 mega pixel eye

2008-10-29T15:50:00.006+08:00

I recently bought a 9 Mega pixels camera. She is my new baby.

I know for some guy friends, guitars are their love or their motorbikes are their love. For me, it's camera and more camera. Currently in my house, I got 4 cameras; where 1 is my brother's. Never will I leave my cameras unattended.

So friends, guys if you want to take my heart, buy me a camera and I will be delighted. That's not a old version camera alright. Intending to buy a 12.1 mega pixels if I got enough money soon. Saw the other day at the shop.Erghhhh!!!

At the Dinner & Dance on Saturday: (damn fun!)

Drinks with SNASC peeps: (nice macro shots)

Sincerely from me:

Chapter 186: pictures pictures pictures

2008-10-29T14:21:00.009+08:00

It's been a really long time when I posted an entry on pictures. Pictures taken are only a way to kill time and boredom. To fill them those time with as much fun, as much adrenaline, as much chaos in it even if it is just 1 minute. That's what is happening around us. They go snap snap everywhere. Never point fingers as to who does that as I know I am among the millions of them who does it too.

Oh well, you just snap it then delete it if you find that the photo is not of liking. As simple as that. The main point, it is JUST TO KILL TIME.

In the hospital setting:

That' s not ward

From ICU that day

Bored waiting in the lift

The long and "god knows what has been in that lift"

On the last night of 3 nights of flying solo.

I was alone for that moment as my counterparts are busy so was myself alert and being on standby outside the cubicles.

The new Lunar collection from Nike:

A red charming Ferrari:

Have you seen so much rubbish thrown?

Cats:
Hairless cat ala Egyptian style:

Indulge yourself in the light and be mesmerized.

Photos taken from my 2 mega pixels phone camera. What do you expect, of course ain't high quality. Wait for the pictures from MY 9 mega pixels camera.

stay tuned.

Chapter 185: Happy sad moments

2008-10-24T09:03:00.006+08:00

I am transferring to another department.Serious.

It will be almost a year if I were to continue work in that ward till December in the hospital I am currently in. There's been too much experience in that ward not to say the bad and the good ones. Yesterday, when my Sister announced that me and my friend for another department, we were like stunned plus we were happy. I overheard my Sister was speaking over the phone, that she has trained us for like 6 months and then they took us away. It's indeed unfair. She has the best Sister though she was just promoted to the post a year ago. I truly respected her.

Leaving the ward is like leaving a BIG family. Family that you have got so used to and you you don't mind sharing your sorrows, happiness and gossips with them.I know I am a bit melodramatic here but seriously, I will definitely miss them.

Though I am a bit disappointed that someone had a row with me recently. Told my bestie, it's either she get transferred or I got it. True enough, I am more than happy not to see that ONE face that really doesn't suit my liking. Haha....

Well, I am happy yet sad to leave the ward.

I will be leaving for the A&E department. YEAH, scrub suits on the way. Wee~!

Teased my colleagues at the ward, "I will definitely send you all cases. "And they went, "No!!!!"

Leaving the ward not only leaving the ward colleagues but leaving the patients that some has been regular in and out of there. Though some are F.O.N or some with high status, they are the ones that make my day. Serious.

Alright, shall not dwell on the sadness part. I will look forward. Hopefully, I will get a nice BIG family in the next department. Insyaallah.

Smile.

Chapter 184: Short films

2008-10-18T20:03:00.003+08:00

I was browsing through some blogs and it brought me to Youtube website where I was hooked on watching local short films. Especially recently there's a competition held where each short films has to 8 minutes or less as the criteria. The title of the competition is " 8 minutes film competition 2008" organised by Al- Ansar Mosque. Watched several short films on the website but this 1 really stands out from the rest. It has the message that really brings across to the viewer, the laughter and the values in it. Well done guys. Keep it up.

Anyway watch this and you will know what I mean. For those who don't understand Malay language, fear not there are English subtitles.

Enttiled "Rok Jak Gap" by Adara Productions.

P/S: I miss you. I really do.

Chapter 183: Family

2008-10-16T20:14:00.004+08:00

Me and my cousins. From young, we have been staying strong.Our childhood days were fun with each other staying side by side.

Family has always been the best.

Whenever you have problems, you can always lean on them to support you. No doubt of it. I have times when family is a must but friends is "hold on first."

Family gives you the best ever advices and you are sure they make the best decisions for you. I followed their advices and here, I am still standing strong.

Never ever neglect your family no matter if there are just your cousins, your aunties or uncles. What matters,all of you are a big family.

For those who read this post, do treasure your family. For those who have forgotten about your family, do come back to them.

Never reject your family.

They are the things money can't buy. Ever.

Chapter 182: This blog ain't dead yet

2008-10-14T18:56:00.002+08:00

This blog is still not ready to fade and die any sooner as the owner is still alive and kicking.

It's been months since I blog.Those months have been about work, work and work and a touch of personal matters.

First I just to announce that I am now an officially registered staff nurse after the hectic 6 months probation.

Secondly I just sent a million thanks to those blessed souls that have been there when my heart was crushed.Now, I am better though it still hurts.

Thirdly, I just want to move on. Now, my life is all about moving on and that's important.

Lastly though people see me as a strong lady but deep down it's a different story altogether.

*hush*

Chapter 181: Alone for now

2008-06-30T09:37:00.003+08:00

I am better off this way. Staying true to myself.No worries for now.Unattached now but ain't sure of the near future. Serious.

Something I have been dreaming of back then will be a reality, sooner or later.But people around us please don't use force.It will come naturally. Trust me.

Let it remain a secret for now. Bestie, I know you will trust what I will do but sometimes I ain't sure of it.

I don't want to hurt anybody. But I know I did before.

I am terribly sorry deep down in my heart.

FATE.It's a strong word that each day we are fulfilling it.

Watch the movie SEPI in cinemas now.

I will soon once it hits Singapore.

" Cinta tak datang sekali" ( Love will not come once)

Chapter 180: I have graduated

2008-05-30T20:01:00.002+08:00

Yes, I have graduated.

And now I am missing school, my course mates, the whole environment basically.

And now I am working. Adjusting my life to working life, adulthood.

True what someone told us during roll call during our shift; before the age of 21 you are able to hold controlled drugs key even though you are not fit even to get consent in medical terms. True true. I function well when I am working.

Someone told today, I look matured around 23 and she was shocked when I told her I am turning in 20 this year. Is it a good or a bad sign? Whatever you think it is, I am glad I am becoming more mature.

My thoughts are more rationalized now than before,
My heart has said the right thing all along.

I am more independent of my decisions than ever before,
I know what's best for me.

Just wait for the breaking news when I am ready.

What is important I am stronger than ever before.

He taught me the meaning of life.
He open my eyes to a world of reality that I have always brush aside.
Though if it is a minimal amount of time.
I truly appreciate. I do.

Take me away....

Chapter 179: Almost drown

2008-05-16T12:38:00.002+08:00

I almost drown.
Drown in the life of reality.
Drown in the facts of life.
But I knew I had to hold on, always be strong.
My life has always and will always be that way.
My profession taught me that.
Life is sometimes harsh on you.
The news came as a bomb to me.
Panic, broke down, confused yet I have to be strong.
When others around me has fall, I have to support me.

To the those 2 people who knew of the real story, do safe keep my secrets.

I don't want them to be worried sick of me.

I will be fine always. Here's a promise to you bestie.

Let us be strong together as we battle against our emotions to face the reality of life.

Chapter 178: I accepted it

2008-04-03T14:16:00.003+08:00

My favourite performance for 2nd concert last Saturday. Don't mind the slapstick comedy by the host.

Stacy- Rela

Tak ubah berbunga lalang
Rendahnya pandanganmu
Padaku yang amat memerlukan

Kegersangan sekeping hati
Mengharapkan setitis embun
Agar basah rindu ini

Aku yang terbuang
Sejak mula lagi
Puas ku merintih
Puas ku berduka

Ku hanya mampu berserah
Berserta doa harapan
Ubahlah haluan hidup ini

Demi cinta yang menyala
Kurela menggenggam bara api
Demi kasih yang mengharum
Sungguh aku rela

Biarpun pada pandangan
Seperti bunga yang layu terbuang
Namun kau pasti tahu
Semua kerna
Aku masih lagi setia padamu
Biar ku menangis seumpama pengemis

Ku hanya mampu berserah
Berserta doa harapan
Ubahlah haluan hidupku ini

It has a emotional roller coaster ride for me this week. My bestie knows of it all. And to that person; I hope you take care of yourself.I love you so much and it's impossible to replace you ever. Yet, both of us know of the current situation.

I accepted and I will move on. Like what my bestie said to me yesterday, I got to stay strong for that person. I can't be weak, I can't cry.

Hold on girl.

Chapter 177: "Hearing" double?

2008-03-28T13:58:00.003+08:00

Instead of seeing double, it's "hearing" double.

Songs that are being re-sang again by different singer in order for commercial purposes. It has happened ages ago. Now, I would like to give you readers listen to these songs. Same song, same title,different rhythm and different singers.

Andra and The Backbone - Sempurna

Gita Gutawa - Sempurna (OST LOVE)

DEWA - Roman Picisan

Dewi-Dewi- Roman Picisan ( Under the management of Ahmad Dhani, vocalist of Dewa 19)

Lately, I have been watching the skies for some unknown reasons. I find peace watching those skies that I never could reach, maybe closer to GOD.

Chapter 176: Movies review

2008-03-27T14:34:00.005+08:00

After watching 2 DVDs yesterday, it's time for me to review it.

Both carries title that starts with "the" and both titles are in English.Duh.
Both are Indonesian films- The Photograph and The Butterfly

The Photograph

website

trailer:

review taken from here:
(note it is in Bahasa Indonesia)
Shanty jadi perempuan yang bekerja sebagai penyanyi karaoke untuk mencari uang untuk dikirim ke kampung untuk anak dan neneknya yang sakit. Ketika dia indekos di kamar yang bahkan kami tidak mau tinggal di dalamnya, dia bersahabat dengan pemilik rumah, seorang laki-laki paruh baya yang kerja sebagai fotografer keliling dan menyimpan sebuah rahasia masa lalu yang mengerikan.

Shanty dilahirkan untuk peran ini, melankolis sekaligus tegar. Bintang film Singapura Lim Kay Tong yang berperan sebagai fotografer keliling juga susah untuk ditandingi pemain lokal, sekalipun bahasa Indonesianya sering terpeleset-peleset jadi bahasa Melayu. Ensemble cast lainnya yang terdiri dari Lukman Sardi, Indie Barends, Nicholas Saputra, dan Indra Bekti (akhirnya dia main film bagus juga) seperti icing on the cake.

Sayang, skenario yang ditulis sendiri oleh Nan jarang mampu menandingi sinematografi luar biasa yang boleh dibilang karya terbaik Yadi Sugandi. Somehow, chemistry antara Shanty dan Lim Kay Tong jarang klop. Demikian juga dengan adegan comic relief pas interview penerimaan fotografer magang yang lebih terasa seperti audisi main film. Terasa out of place. Tapi, secara keseluruhan film ini layak untuk mendapat penghormatan kita, dan bisa dijadikan antidot dari sengatan film-film busuk keluaran pedagang-pedagang itu. The Photograph menuntut kesabaran anda. Tapi anda akan menerima imbalan makanan hati dan mata sekeluarnya dari bioskop.

The best part is that LIM KAY TONG starred in this as Pak Johan (Mr Johan) and he was able to speak in fluent Bahasa Indonesia.

Snapshots from the film:

The Butterfly

trailer:

review:
(Note: it is in Bahasa Indonesia)
Film ini berkisah tentang tiga orang sahabat: Vano (Andhika Pratama), Tia (Poppy Sovia), dan Desi (Debby Kristi) dalam pencarian jati diri dan makna kehidupan.

Hubungan Tia dan Desi sangat dekat hingga sikat Tia sanga protektif dan membuat Desi tergantung padanya. Permasalahan mulai timbul saat Vano jatuh hati pada Desi. Sedangkan, Desi tahu Tia sangat menyukai Vano. Akhirnya Desi dan Tia sepakat hanya menjadikan Vano sebagai sahabat.

Desi merencanakan sebuah perjalanan panjang bersama Tia dan Vano di ulang tahunnya yang ke 20. Ditengah-tengah perjalanan, tiba-tiba Desi sakit. Tia dan Vano memutuskan untuk kembali ke Jakarta, tapi Desi menolak dan tetap ingin melanjutkan perjalanan. Disini mereka belajar banyak tentang cinta, persahabatan dan tentang kehilangan.

Yes yes, I have watched this movie. And yes girls Andhika Pratama is hot and nice to look at. *winks*

next movie to watch: Get married

Enjoying my day as each day goes by.

And to you: Don't give me hope anymore. We are just plain close no other feelings SHOULD exist in between us only just as FRIENDS. But thank God, you are safe.

Chapter 175: Heart pounds hard

2008-03-26T13:25:00.005+08:00

Yesterday night I received bad news regarding someone from my past.

Panic, heart pounds fast, trembling, confused, thoughts flying high and low, biting my lips, tossed and turned in bed.

No wonder I contacted him and didn't received any reply since Saturday.

I received his last call at 3+pm and when I was busy and didn't answer his call.

Thank God that wasn't his last call.

I had the urge to message him late at night yesterday for the casual hello. Turns out his mum gives me the drastic news. I was about to rush to hospital that same night even though it was already 11+pm. But his mum reassured me he is stable and conscious now, able to talk. He had a terrible accident that hit his head. Was in HD but his mum say she will bring him back soon. The end of the message left me saying thanks to her part for telling me what happened and that was it.

Yes, he did left a mark in my heart as I was STUPID not to realize his love for me till he got someone else making me envy of her. Now, I can't say those words to him anymore. I don't want their relationship to fall apart because of a third party.

He was my past. I was his past yet I know what exactly happen at home when he is alone thinking of his past; his mum told me so. Only my Bestie knows of it, yes yes Bestie what he did is sweet indeed.

Move on to my favorite topic, Akademi Fantasia 6.

Watch this clips of 2 contestants in 2 different seasons.Spot the similarity.

AF5 6th Konsert - Aizat - Perpisahan

AF6 1st Konsert- Riz - Ketulusan Hati

Spot it?

The answer is that both sang songs from Anuar Zain. Both have an attitude problem despite good vocals. Do people with good vocals need to have attitude that sucks everyone's blood? I don't think so. Riz was in the top 30 finalist in the 1st season of Malaysian Idol and was a contestant in the Gangstarz.

He should be aware that having good vocals but not good attitude doesn't make him survive in the music industry. Some even nicknamed him drama queen. Read here. Lols.

I want to pass my day today watching DVDs. Take care.

Chapter 174: Of deja vu and past issues

2008-03-20T16:27:00.004+08:00

Deja vu ( taken from Merriam Webster online dictionary)

1 a: the illusion of remembering scenes and events when experienced for the first time
1 b: a feeling that one has seen or heard something before
2 : something overly or unpleasantly familiar

I just got back from town, accompanying my friend who is on a low side lately.

Went with her to IDP, stop at the wrong bus stop AGAIN.
Walk along the steep slope of Orange Grove AGAIN.
Went to level 4 of FELC building and did what was suppose to be done.Recognized the SAME office but with more students there this time round.
Went down to level 1 and headed to the SAME restroom and took pictures AGAIN.
Got to the bus stop only realizing my ex-link card didn't have enough credit for the ride and it had happened AGAIN.

Was it just deja vu or plain stupidity that;
- we stop at the wrong bus stop though we have went there before
- my ez-link card had run out credit for the bus ride and that I should top up it earlier

Or is just mere coincident?

Considering that on both occasions;
- Went to school for some matters to settle
- The same issue that we talked about the whole meeting with the same sad face and the same advices
- Stopped at the wrong bus stop
- Had no credit for the bus ride

Whatever it was supposed to be called.

Listening to my friend talking over relationship issues brings me a conversation I had with a close of mine few days ago.

Close friend: How do you manage to get over him so quickly?
Me: Well, I was preoccupied with my final attachment that I almost forgot that I was getting over some matters.
Close friend: I don't think I am able to do the same cos' it is hard getting over someone you loved.

It is true it is hard. I didn't deny it. Nobody claims it is easy especially for first timers like me. But life has to move on. You can't be same person as yesterday and the day before. You are not living your life yourself. You are living your with others around you. Don't let others around get affected by what you have experienced. It isn't fair for them.

Move on and think positive! That's what drives me to be who I am now.

Self motivation is THE MOST important when others around you don't believe in your capabilities. Prove to them.

I can be anybody listening ear and giving advices but the most essential thing you got to do is think what is good for you and act on it. No point in listening to advices but it wouldn't work for you. Believe in yourself.

Nobody will believe in you unless you start believing in yourself first.

Chapter 173: Past few days

2008-03-14T13:11:00.003+08:00

One is an elder sister to a diva in Malaysia, one is a grandmother. The eldest is 44 years old and the youngest is 18 years old. Well, this is the new season of Akademi Fantasia. It has come to a brand new season 6.

New faces of fix jury are established. They are Fauziah Dato' Ahmad Daud (OGY) and Ning Baizura. New faces to host this season are Sarimah Ibrahim (for daily diaries) and AC Mizal ( for weekly concerts) replacing the ever so versatile Aznil Hj Nawawi who has hosted the last 5 seasons.

This season is gong to be a blast with new changes. I can't wait for it to happen. Today will start off with the opening. Wondering who will be the winner for this season. A girl or a guy?

I went for short trip to KL last week when Malaysians are voting. It was splendid as I was able to shoot photos with the cybershot camera. Wee~!

My exam results are out. Now waiting for my transcript to be posted. The next thing I know, working shifts.

And today,I've got BBQ to go to.

My life is kind of mundane nowadays. Wake up, eat, sleep. The most going somewhere and that's it. Nothing excites me lately.

Alright enough of lamenting. I am out of here.

Chapter 171: Movies & movies & movies

2008-03-07T08:36:00.006+08:00

Note the post script at the end of this entry.

Remember this movie that was a big hit in Malaysia and won several awards.

Yes yes, a movie of 5 different love stories.

Ok now, see this.

Yes yes 5 different love stories.

It isn't a case of no sense of originality.I did my research. it states that:
Film Love the Movie produced by Khabir Batia, from Malaysia.
Love is a remake of the Malaysian film entitled "Cinta" produced by Khabir in the year 2006.

The official website: http://www.themovielove.com/

For me, I can't wait for these other movies to be released.

Film: Histeria (poster ain't out yet)

Film: Malaikat Maut(poster ain't out yet)

Credits to:
- http://kidy.blogspot.com/2008/02/love-movie_18.html
- http://harfeeque.multiply.com/journal/item/29
- http://www.ruangfilm.com/
- http://www.sinemamalaysia.com.my/main/index.php

Panic at the disco- Nine in the afternoon

Cobra Starship- City is at war

post script: I am stronger than ever before. Keeping quiet. Not sharing it to my bestie too.

Chapter 170: I forgot

2008-02-27T14:39:00.002+08:00

I forgot we are no longer together.
I forgot I can't no longer call you mine.
I forgot the feeling of love once you left.
I forgot that we are just strangers now.
I forgot I can't pester you anymore.
I forgot there's no more orange in the white.
I forgot I shouldn't make you care about me now.
I have forgotten...

I just have to fight against the loneliness.

Siti Nurhaliza- Melawan Kesepian
(to Sam, this was the video clip to the song that I posted on my friendster profile where you nearly cried)

The loneliness I was trying to deny it all along. I grew so hard hearted over the days that I actually was crying deep deep down without me realizing.

Yes, I just realized it TODAY. Thanks for the wake up call to you.

But hey, seriously I don't feel the love in me. I don't feel I want to be in love any sooner. The pain still exists.

Someone text me a message that actually was true. It reads: it seems you are giving up hope since that break up.

Maybe yes. Ok, I did.That's the fact.

I was the true love of 2 guys. The first: we weren't in a relationship but we were friends then and still is though he has found someone else and I am happy as I have regarded him as a brother. The second: my 1st love and the most forgettable person in my life.

Having others around me found their true love makes me wonder, when am I getting mine. Maybe 2 years, 5 years, 10 years down the road or maybe never.

What saddens me is that almost all the good guys in S'pore are attached.

So readers out there, do you know anyone who has these:
- have a strong faith ( my main priority)
- honest
- have a sense of humor
- understanding
- don't smokes ( I don't want to be a passive smoker)
- of course, doesn't drinks
- loves either photography/ movies/ music
- plus point: neat, ain't sloppy
- has a charisma
- a true gentleman ( that's what's lacking in guys nowadays)

Oh well, I am being demanding. Say want you want to say.

I bet no one has most of those qualities.If you do, tag me.

To be honest, this is my first entry I am open and saying something from deep down.

CHAPTER 170 in history. Enjoy the next video. Love at first sight with the video clip and the lyrics to the song.

Tom Baxter- Better

Our love has changed,
It’s not the same,
And the only way to say it –
Is say it – It’s better.

I can’t concede,
This way I feel,
For all the time we spent, together,
Forever – Just gets better.

See what I’m trying to say is:
You make things - better
And no matter what the day is,
With you here - it’s better.

I’ll stand by you,
If you stand by me.
I think time that I, reveal it,
‘Cos I believe it -
It’s better.

See what I’m trying to say is:
You make things - better
And no matter what the day is,
With you here - it’s better.

Ooooh the more – I – talk – to – you
The more in love with
Ev – ry – thing – you – do

Doo doo doo doo doo doo (hum chorus)

See what I’m trying to say is:
You make things - better
And no matter what the day is,
With you here - it’s better.

Our love has changed
It’s not the same
And the only way to say it –
Is say it – It’s better

Chapter 169: Fighting for fans?

2008-02-20T15:11:00.004+08:00

Who doesn't recognise the then famous duo Ratu consisting of Maia Ahmad and Mulan Kwok? And the the major spilt due to some personal matters involving their manager Ahmad Dhani cum husband of Maia.

Well, now it seems each of them are making music on their on.

Mulan Kwok has changed her name to Mulan Jameela with her new album entitiled "Makhluk Tuhan yang Paling Seksi" (A sexy God's creation). watch her video clip.

Maia Ahmad on the other hand announced that her new partner will be Mey Chan and the duo will be called Duo Maia instead of living up to the old name, Ratu. Watch the clip of "Ingat Kamu"( Remembering you).

Sources from here

Personal life: For me, I am loving the way I am now. Just that I feel sick after that chalet. And thank God, that whole idea of "OLD IDEA of getting me HITCH" is never going to work out due to me pestering the guy to tell the truth to his mum. Gosh, my life is saved!

Friends, DON"T EVER TRY TO HITCH ME UP! I am tired of all these stuffs for now. Let me be the way I am now.

Colbie Caillat- Realize (it fits me well this song)
Look at the words in red and italic.

Take time to realize
That your warmth is
Crashing down on me
Take time to realize
That I am on your side
Well didn't I, didn't I tell you
But I can't spell it out for you
No it's never gonna be that simple
No I can't spell it out for you

If you just realize
What I just realized
That we'd be perfect for each other
And we'll never find another
Just realize
What I just realized
We'd never have to wonder
If we missed out on each other, now

Take time to realize
Oh oh, I'm on your side
Didn't I, didn't I tell you
Take time to realize
Oh oh, I'm on your side
Oh ooo oh ooo oh
But I can't spell it out for you
No it's never gonna be that simple
No I can't spell it out for you

If you just realize
What I just realized
That we'd be perfect for each other
And we'll never find another
Just realize
What I just realized
We'd never have to wonder
If we missed out on each other, but

It's not the same
No it's never the same
If you don?t feel it too
If you meet me half way
If you would meet me half way
It could be the same for you

If you just realize
What I just realized
That we'd be perfect for each other
And we'll never find another
Just realize
What I just realized
We'd never have to wonder
If we missed out on each other

Just realize
What I just realized
That we'd be perfect for each other
And we'll never find another
Just realize
What I just realized
We'd never have to wonder
If we missed out on each other, now
Missed out on each other now
Missed out on each other now
Missed out on each other now

Chapter 168: Clips and more clips and upcoming movies

2008-02-12T15:15:00.000+08:00

Okies, I am posting more and more clips of artists that many doesn't know or aren't aware of their existence that is among my friends...some of them will be like; "Who the heck is that?"

So enjoy the clips.

Adele- Chasing Pavements

Ive made up my mind
dont need to think it over
if im wrong i am right
dont need to look no further
this aint lust i know this is love

but if i tell the world
i'll never say enough
cos it was not said to you
and thats exactly what i need to do
if i end up with you

should i give up
or should i just keep chasing pavements
even if it leads no where,
or would it be a waste
even if i knew my place should i leave it there.
should i give up
or should i just keep chasing pavements
even if it leads nowhere

i build myself up
and fly around in circles
waiting as my heart drops
and my back begins to tingle
finally could this be it

or should i give up
or should i just keep chasing pavements

even if it leads no where,
or would it be a waste
even if i knew my place should i leave it there.
should i give up
or should i just keep chasing pavements
even if it leads nowhere

yeaaah ehh

should i give up
or should i just keep chasing pavements
even if it leads no where,
or would it be a waste
even if i knew my place
should i leave it there

should i give up
or should i just keep on chasing pavements
should i just keep on chasing pavements

ohhhh ohh

should i give up
or should i just keep chasing pavements
even if it leads nowhere
or would it be a waste
even if i knew my place should i leave it there

should i give up
or should i just keep chasing pavements
even if it leads nowhere

Meg and Dia- Roses

Turn around there's those eyes again.
Turn around fake indifference and I.
Watch their cold, dark silhouettes disappear.

A hundred bodies fill this room.
And all their faces overdone.
Pain is foreign, foreign to us.

I don't even know you.
You won't even know I'm gone.
Was it something I did wrong?
Roses, roses cold.
Roses, roses sold out.

Turn around reds and whites again.
I'd sell my kicks for one more low tar.
Fevers hand in hand with shoelace bracelets.
Why are some girls so naive?
He didn't unbutton your blouse to see.
A better view of your heart.
Oh yeah, can't blame you for trying.

I don't even know you.
You won't even know I'm gone.
Was it something I did wrong?
Roses, roses cold.
Roses, roses sold out.
Roses, roses cold.
Roses, roses sold out.

Sing it soft.
Make it slow.
Apples parachute the boys back down.
Fill it up.
Overflow.
A new, improved modern way to feel.

I don't even know you.
You won't even know I'm gone.
I don't even know you.
You won't even know I'm gone.
Was it something I did wrong?
Was it something I did wrong?
Was it something I did wrong?

Meet Uncle Hussain- Lagu untukmu

Tiada bintang
Dapat menerangkan hati yang telah dicelah
Bagaiku lumpuh tak mampu berdiri
Aku tetap begini
Takkan berubah kerna aku tetap aku
Dan lalu rindumu bukanlah aku

*
Bahagia kau dan fikiranmu
Berbeza
Kau dan juga aku
Dua hati yang tak mungkin bersatu

Apakah aku
Hanya boneka yang sering engkau mainkan
Yang dikawal oleh jari-jarimu
Ku punya hati dan perasaan pernahkah engkau fikirkan
Cukup cukup oh cukuplah

(ulang *)

Tak tahan tak tahan
Tak mampu ku tertahan
Melayan sikapmu perawan
Berbeza-berbeza
Kau dan aku berbeza
Kita memang tak serupa
Bebaskan bebaskan
Kunci dilepaskan
Kita tidak sehaluan
Cukuplah sudahlah
Sampai di sini saja
Hubungan kita berdua
Hoa…hoa….hoa…..

(ulang *)

Hujan- Pagi yang gelap

Lebih tua dariku
Harap sabar menunggu
Kepulanganmu ku tunggu

Bukan maksudku mendiam
Tiada niat menyimpan dendam
Hakikatnya rindu yang mendalam
Jalan ini kan membantu
Hari esok siapa yang tahu
Kata ibu dengar sahaja
Cerita hanya kita berdua

(korus)
Pagi yang gelap
Kini sudah terang
Aku adikmu
Dan engkau abang
Ku amat merindui kamu
Pagi yang gelap
Kini sudah terang
Aku adikmu
Dan engkau abang
Inginku ulang ke masa dulu

Tak akan putus hubungan kita
Tarik nafas lega kerna aku tak apa-apa
Jalan ini kan membantu
Hari esok siapa yang tahu
Kata ibu dengar sahaja
Cerita hanya kita berdua

(ulang korus)

Pagi yang gelap
Kini sudah terang
Aku adikmu
Dan engkau abang
Ku amat merindui kamu
Pagi yang gelap
Inginku ulang ke masa dulu

Oh, the next 2 clips are the trailers for 2 upcoming movies.

Duyung(Mermaid) a production of KRU. Starring Maya karin,. Saiful Apek, Awie.

Anak(Child) a horror story starring Ida Nerina and Erra Fazira.

That's all for today....

Chapter 167: My heart

2008-02-11T15:16:00.000+08:00

Lizz Wright- My heart

My heart at times feels like I am a woman singing jazz. Names like Nina Simone, Lizz Wright, Diana Krall, Anita O' Day...oh well Not many knows them.

So many things happen in the last 1 week yet I try to be strong. Gosh,just when I was about to love how things are there's always spoilers.

And my bestie was shocked when I told him what some things that happen in the past can happen in the future. Oh those days of our parents...yikes, I wanna run away from the idea.

I am happy the way I am now. Don't change me a bit. When I am ready walk that path again, I'll tell everyone. I'm not ready to face another heartbreak.

P/S: Can't wait to get my hands on Mila AF5 album...

Chapter 166:I've moved on. You should too.

2008-02-04T13:06:00.000+08:00

Sugababes - Change

When he left me I was still hoping for more love.
I was left devastated how fast my life went haywire.
At the end of each day I was left exhausted finding for the answers myself.
By the time you re- enter my life I was drained.
There’s no more love in me.
Though how much love you poured in, it seems that I can’t build it any longer
Cos’ the base has been demolished totally.

Now when you came into my life, I was hoping something.
But I just realized we are just friends.
I didn’t want that blooming friendship to get tainted all because of my actions.
Love or friendship? I chose the latter.
I am sorry if I put you in the spot.
Period.

On a serious note;

Lenny Kravitz- I'll be waiting

Who says music videos can't be made fun? Watch these clips.

Mika - Lollipop

Peterpan - Menghapus Jejakmu

Blake Lewis- Break Anotha

Vanessa Carlton has made a comeback with her single Nolita Fairytale. At the beginning of the video, it reminded me of another video her hers; A Thousand Miles.

Someone sent me a message this morning. All I have to say was;
"I have moved on. And you should too."

Sometimes in life, you can't always turn back. I have learn from my past experience.

Chapter 165: Nice songs

2008-02-03T17:42:00.000+08:00

Watch these video clips, a rendition of good performances & superb vocals.

Jinbara - Farhana Puteri Bumi Kenyalang

Fazli Zainal - Harapan

Anuar Zain - Ketulusan Hati

Eka Mairina - Fantasia Bulan Madu

christina aquilera - hurt

Ning Baizura- Melankolia (OST Anak)

I have moved on with my life.I don't want to dwell about the past. Yesterday brought a SMILE across my face. Thanks a million =)

Chapter 164: NUMB

2008-01-08T16:13:00.000+08:00

NUMB.

1 big word that keeps haunting me from last year. My emotions went haywire since then. I was about to amend it then it happened again TODAY. Nobody was to be be blamed for the 2nd time as it all started because of ME!

My fate has been that way.

For everything that I told you this afternoon, I didn't mean it but if your decison is FINAL, I need to respect it.

After what happened, I was lying on my bed listening to songs trying to keep away my sorrows. Suddenly I had a stupid thought that never failed to haunt me: to pop Panadols to stop the numbness so I wouldn't feel it anymore.I brushed it aside, it's just a thought from the DARK SIDE.

I continued listening to the songs and as I was listening to 1 specific songs my tears were flowing. Agnes Monica- cinta di ujung jalan.

Now I am just numb. If I didn't contact any of you it means I just to be ALL ALONE.

Just leave me the way I am.

NUMB.

Chapter 163: Many many....

2008-01-04T20:32:00.000+08:00

I can't stop laughing at the title...LOL!

My staff nurse(SN) asked this foreigner patient what was his pain score between 0 to 10. Though my SN has provide him the choices to how his pain was like, eg pricking, sharp, dull etc etc all he could ever said was MANY MANY PAIN.(with his slang) My SN was frustrated and just left him. Imagine standing there for 10 minutes aking the same question and all he could repeat was that...haish...pain is subjective to every individual so you got to pay attention to it.

Currently I am half way through my 12 weeks PRCP hence the slowdown in blogging. Being the student doing shift is tiring, but being an SN is slightly better. You don't need to do extra work eg case study. Fed up...why must do case study whne you can assess the student on a daily basis. Like hello, I have took 1 team ok and doing case study is draining my energy there and then. Not 1 but 4 case study in the whole PRCP. Gasp!

For 2 days, I feel a sense of fear overcome me whenever I went to this bed at work. I've got a terrible feeling that that someone is struggling and condition getting bad to worse. Like my colleague was saying, "the ticket will be arriving slightly late due to traffic jams." Not that I want the bad to happen but every time something bad happen, I will get high fever. Imagine you are so close to them then...Hrmmm...

Don't think I want to work in ICU. In Malay they say it's 'badi'.

Speaking of which, Suria channel is airing Jangan Pandang Belakang film tonight at 10pm. Freaky!

And walking through the park at work at night after PM shift is a horror and someone has been pissing me off by saying "your friends at the park never accompany you back home, never ask you to come and play with them together at the court." I don't wish to see but I know someone is there looking at me like when I was working night duty the other day. I just hope I got my Dad's courage to face THEM. Yikes!

I am still confused over something. Soemthing taht went haywire in the past and now, you try to untie the knots and straightening them back. In hopes....

I'm sorry I got MANY MANY story to tell you all there.

All the best to all doing PRCP. Ganbate!

Chapter 162: Light & Fire

2007-12-07T20:34:00.000+08:00

I did play with fire. Don't want to elaborate much. *Hush*

Now, I want to say to someone that there's always ligh at the end of the dark alley. Hope is better than nothing.

Still I am afraid of something at the end of the alley.

Paranoid maybe.

Experience taught me too many things I am unable to forget.

For now, I just want to keep a Hush Hush over some matters. It's confidential.

When is it beating faster again?

Chapter 161: That day

2007-11-27T17:11:00.000+08:00

How come my life is becoming like Darius and Madihah life story in the drama series Dunia Baru Season 2 and currently airing Season 3. Hrmmmmmm....I am not letting the cat out of the bag now. No climax so just wait ya.TOP SECRET! Not even my bestie knows of it.Let it be...Hehe.

Well, 1st of all want to thank to ALL those who sent me birthday wishes through friendster or through SMS. AND also to my TWIN who celebrated her birthday as me. Yes twin, we are not called twins to the extent that we had to work am shift on our birthday. Haha...cool right to have a twin. And yes, I want to meet you and then we can crap all day.

A year older a year wiser.
A year older another year of experience I have gone through.

True true. So many stuffs happen when I was 18 and also on that day. TOP SECRET!

Alright got to go. Take care all. Shhhhhh.....

Chapter 160: Yesterday

2007-11-22T11:27:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was the busiest day throughout my entire attachement I had before in the past year.

Had 1 blood transfusion.
Had 3 dressings.
Had 5 discharges.
Had 1 new admission.

Gosh, I was exhausted by the end of the shift but thank God, I managed to end it on time. Hehe.
My SN and me didn't go for break so we try and help each other out. Took 4 cases yesterday. Only 3 people in the team yesterday. So many changes to do.

But still, it 's fun. I want more of it. Beginning to get a hang of being a staff there. Can't wait to graduate =)

Today is my off day. Thank God.

By the way, Dunia Baru has started with Season 3. Yipee!!

Alrite, got to go...take care peeps.

Chapter 159: Boys, Guys & Man read this

2007-11-13T20:14:00.000+08:00

Something is bothering me and my guess was right.

Now, I want to find a MAN not a boy nor a guy. Don't worry, YOU will not fit the bill as you are just a boy in my eyes. Bluek!

Found this over the web and want to share it with the readers.

"A heart is not a play thing,
a heart is not a toy,
but if you want it broken,
Just give it to a boy.

Boys they like to play with things
To see what makes them run,
But when it comes to kissing,
They do it just for fun.

Boys never give their hearts away
They play us girls for fools,
They wait untill we give our hearts
And then they play it cool.

You will wonder where he is a night
You will wonder if hes true,
One moment you will be happy,
One moment you will be blue.

If you get a chance to see him
Your heart begins to dance
Your life revolves around him,
Theres nothing like romance.

And then it starts to happen,
You worry day and night
You see, my friend, you're losing him
It never turns out right.

Boys are great, though immature
The price you pay is high,
He may seem sweet and gorgeous
But remember, hes a guy.

Don't fall in love with just a boy
That takes alot of nerve.
You see, my friend, you need a man
To get what you deserve.

So when you think that you're in love,
Be careful if you can
Before you give your heart away
Make sure that hes a man"

"Boys are immature, guys are jerks, men are rare."

~*One day ull think of me as i thought of u
one day ull cry 4 me as i cried 4 u
one day ull luv me as luved u
and one day ull want me and i wont want u*~

You pissed me off --You made me mad --You made me cry --You made me sad --You lied to me --You made me hurt--You made me see --You are a total JERK

~*If you love something, let it go, if it comes back, then you know it was meant to be.*~

:*Forget His Name*Forget His Face*Forget His Smile,His Warm Embrace*Forget Him When They Play Your Song*Forget You Cried All Night Long*Forget The Way He Held You Tight*Forget How You Think Of Him From Day To Nite*Forget The Times That Went So Fast* *For He Is In The Past*

And this is for my BESTIE:
A friend is a shoulder to cry on,
an ear to listen and a heart to comfort.

Alrite, gotta go.

Chapter 158: In pursuit of happyness, only love

2007-11-12T21:01:00.000+08:00

The controversial poster but I think nothing is wrong with it. Small minded people. Ooops!!

Watched " Cinta yang Satu" ( The Only Love).

Read the synopsis:

Zulaikha and Wira have had a long romantic relationship with each other since they were very young. Currently Zulaikha is pursuing her studies abroad whereas Wira is conducting his business agendas. It's at this point of time destiny crosses their lives. Wira normally has his breakfast at this particular cafe where Jamilah works who happens to be Zulaikha's old schoolmate. Their brief meeting blossomed into a more serious relationship when Wira was chosen as a lucky regular customer to join the celebration of the cafe's 3rd anniversary. Wira eventually made Jamilah his girlfriend filling in the spare time that he has while Zulaikha is away. One day Zulaikha returned as to surprise him was surprised herself watching their intimacy together. Zulaikha was very much upset with what has happened and ran away. Wira managed to soften back her heart and mended their relationship till they decided to get engaged. On their engagement day, Jamilah came to comfront Wira at the ceremony. What will be the end of the two hopeful heart for the love of one man?

It seems that I love watching Zul Huzaimy act. He has this hunk in him that is need not be expressed through words but by using his facial expressions. He has his charms. I like!Plus, he did drifting again in this movie. I like!

Watch the trailer here.

Watching the movie make me realise one thing. It's almost similar to my story.

Next I watched "In pursuit of happyness."

The quotes from the movie:
~ Christopher Gardner: It was right then that I started thinking about Thomas Jefferson on the Declaration of Independence and the part about our right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. And I remember thinking how did he know to put the pursuit part in there? That maybe happiness is something that we can only pursue and maybe we can actually never have it. No matter what. How did he know that?

~ Christopher Gardner: [to his son] You got a dream, you gotta protect it. People can't do something themselves, they wanna tell you that you can't do it. You want something? Go get it. Period.

~ Christopher Gardner: [about the spelling mistakes in the graffiti of a building] It's not H-A-P-P-Y-N-E-S-S Happiness is spelled with an "I" instead of a "Y"
Christopher: Oh, okay. Is "Fuck" spelled right?
Christopher Gardner: Um, yes. "Fuck" is spelled right but you shouldn't use that word.
Christopher: Why? What's it mean?
Christopher Gardner: It's, um, an adult word used to express anger and, uh, other things. But it's an adult word. It's spelled right, but don't use it.

After that watched Haru Biru (Chaos).

If I have the time, will write a review of it but meanwhile, I am tired now. I need to rest.

Before I end, watch this commercial. It was done by my favourite director; Yasmin Ahmad who directed award winning Sepet, Gubra & Mukhsin. This commercial did won 2 awards too.

Byebye.

Chapter 157: Impak Maksima (maksimum impact)

2007-11-01T08:58:00.000+08:00

Yesterday watched Impak Maksima. My adrenaline was high through out the whole movie. Just imagine racing cars performing drifting. Gosh, how cool was that. I wish I was in that car.

Alright, read the synopsis taken from the official website:

Impak Maksima an action movie revealing the life of Malaysian youngsters who are into motor sports as their passion. It covers the sequence of drift, drag, go-kart, pocket bike and mat rempit.

The story is about a college boy (Ayie) who likes to race illegally among his friend during the night. Ayie is very skillful and now he is really into drifting. Ayie two good friend (Loyai the college mates and Amran his mechanic) will always be with him in any event of the race. Ayie leaves with his brother (Johari) after their parent pas away. Johari is the one responsible to give good education to his brother.

One thing that really worries Johari is his brother activities. He just couldn’t stop it as the brother will go rebellious against him. Johari then got the idea to channel his brother to the right path by introducing him to R3 Motor sport division who at the moment is scouting new drivers. Since that moment Ayie night activities start to slow down and coincidently also Ayie is to busy chasing after the college freshie named Eva Lyana.

One day Amran the mechanic involved in an illegal racing that cost him to lose a sum of RM5,000.00. Amran is so panic and decided to run away. Ayie came to know and try to help, but it is too late where the bad guy (Ray) located Amran earlier. Amran took off with his can and been chase by the Ray. Ayie who happen to be there took off also with his car and start to chase Amran to ask him to stop and confronted Ray.

Amran lost control of the car and meet with an accident. He died. Ayie try to help but it is already too late. The police came and Ayie was jailed for reckless driving.

Johari really upset with his brother. After knowing the real story, he decided to help his brother out. Johari then called by the police to assist them to capture Ray. He was told that Ray is one of the biggest drug dealers in KL. Johari agreed as long they will not connect his brother to the incident.

This car was driven by Ayie in the movie.

Awal Ashaari as Ayie in the movie.

Ayie won the race.

Oh ya, I promised to show you readers my BESTIE..

He was busy eating when I took this picture. Anyway, I have found a new found brother for myself. He's someone from my past. I have longed regarded him as my brother though he keep pestering me in hope. That was then.

P/S: Don't you realise the name of the main character is similar to someone. Coincidental or what.

Chapter 156: Dunia Baru (New World)

2007-10-30T11:42:00.000+08:00

I am waiting for Dunia Baru The Movie to be released or Dunia Baru Season 3 on TV.

Yes, I am addicted to it. Yesterday watched the repeat show on TV3 and it was airing the alst episode. There's someting about the last episode that I wanted to share in here. Enjoy...Oh ya, don't worry there's English subtitles.

Keep a close watch at Madihah (the girl in the headscarf) & Darius. There's something similar between me & them.

Wrote this yesterday at 6.55pm

Both of us
shouldn't waste our time
reminiscing and hoping

Both of us
should move on
but without each other in mind

Both of us
should forget each other
as we can't be together

Both of us
should focus on our future
as there's more to come

Both of us
should hate each other
so that no love can blossom again

Now it's not both of us
It's you.
It's me.
We are 2 different strangers now
Until our life crosses each other
Again.

~white rosebud

It's over between us.

Chapter 155: About rumors & fun

2007-10-29T10:57:00.000+08:00

Yesterday went to BESTIE open house. Hadn't met him in a so many months. Yes dear readrs, my bestfriend is a GUY!

It was awkward at first as it was my first time meeting his family. haha...

We talked about the ald times back in primary school. SO SO many stories to share and then I got to know a rumor that was circulated in primary school that I didn't know of it at all. I didn't expect me at primary 3 could be the spark of a rumor that lasts for 1 whole year...Gosh!

But the 1 rumor that I was aware til now was the rumor about me & my friend in Taiwan now. Haha...And my bestie was still hoping it came true after 7 years. Both of us are busy people and there's little time for us to socialise let alone to meet each other. It's just rumor afterall...maybe.

And yes, I did have a new member to talk about Akademi Fantasia that is my BESTIE! I didn't know he was a fan of AF till yesterday.And best still, we like the same singer in AF5 too. haha...

Seriously I had fun yesterday. I shall post a photo of my bestfriend soon.

But now, I got plans to go Vivocity just to destress.

Anyone wants to follow me?

Chapter 154: Edited pictures

2007-10-27T12:10:00.000+08:00

I just managed to edit the photos that I took the other day. I can only edit my photos when my mind is in rational state. LOL.

Alrite, just enjoy these pictures la.

This was the doorgifts that I got when i went for the Jewel Fest 2007 at Jewel Pavilion in front of Ngee Ann City Plaza with my SNASC commitee members the other day. Got the invitations from SNA.The event is so grand and it is unlikely for us, students to affod to buy those items. It was just a feast for our eyes.

The following picture I took if I am not mistaken earlier this year. Any guesses for the location? It's in a shopping mall by the way. Hint Hint. I still keep these kind of photos BUT I have deleted ALL photos of that person. Not worth it to see his pictures. Maybe one day I will just forget how he looks like. Evil me.

The next picture is my favourite. This was taken on the 1st day of Hari Raya at my aunt's house at Hazel Park Terrace. I still love her Sixth Avenue house as it is much much bigger. BUT then, I still love the surrounding and the corner location of her current house.

Yup, there's still a long road ahead for me.

Experience has made me even more matured than ever.

You can't bring me down, ever!

Chapter 153: Of 4 guys....

2007-10-25T15:37:00.000+08:00

Of 4 guys and Tawian. It’s going to be a LOOOONG post.

Well, the 1st guy is my close primary school friend who went Taiwan to serve the country. We are quite close back then and we do still keep in contact with each other till now. He was emotional before he departs for Taiwan when he said, “ I leave too many ‘stuffs’ in S’pore and I don’t know if I will be the same person when I come home.” I understand the “stuffs” part but not the “same person.” I just pray that he will come home safely to Singapore in mid November.

The 2nd guy is also going to Taiwan in December. He’s my brother. Going for some tournament stuffs. Going to miss him. Aww, why is everyone going elsewhere without me? I want to have a proper holiday but then I still got my end of course attachment. Haish.

The 3rd guy is my BESTIE! Haha. He was close friend of the 1st guy and my best friend now. 2007 is the year where both of us really connect better as in we share our problems and whenever we got problems, we just SMILE and hide those problems. Lately he been a great help when I was having those breakdowns, getting over the rough patch and being emotionless at times. He got his own share of problems but he still listens. The terrible of him is that he keeps losing his mobile phone and my number. So whenever I message him & his reply is “who are you” I know that he has lost his phone AGAIN. Whatever it is. You are still my best friend forever dude.

The 4th and the last guy is my SNASC committee member. Recently we met during an event and on the way home, my twin & me were cracking up jokes in the MRT while he was just looking at us, not knowing what to do. Actually when I know him in the beginning he was an introvert person but over the time, I know that someone has to break the ice. Famous quote from him as what my twin told me, “the night is till young.” Haha. He is a nice guy but sometimes I don’t know what’s in his mind. 1 word about him is that he is responsible. Nah, he not someone special, just we are friends. I am not finding new love dear readers. I am not ready yet.

It’s been hard on me overcoming those emotions and getting over someone. But some distinctive people have helped me to move on with my life. With that, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. There can only be ONE lover in my life but it’s worth to have many friends by your side. True friends are hard to come by.

Enjoy this new video from Kelly Clarkson- Don't waste your time

Is it true guys are so easy in replacing his love with another one in a short period of time?

Any answers?

Chapter 152: My reply

2007-10-22T14:52:00.000+08:00

"its not as if its my fault we break. anyway if u say u r not ready to be loved. i guess all this while when i was with u, u didnt love me at all... bye.. dun bother replying..."

That's was from my tagboard.

Yes, I did want to reply. It wasn't that I didn't love you but... there's so many things going through my mind at the same time. The pressure was buliding in me when I was with you. I can't explain it to you.

There's so many things that happen and it seems that GOD was trying to tell me something but I couldn't get it. It was too faint at first. Everyday I prayed to GOD that we will always be together but it seems GOD knows what's best for us.

My heart was hurt badly. I may seem strong externally but I was too fragile.

Maybe GOD was has other plans for us.

Seriously I can't forget you & there's more love for me to give to you but...........

Chapter 151: My hopes

2007-10-19T09:35:00.000+08:00

My hopes now.

Michael Buble - Lost

I can't believe it's over
I watched the whole thing fall
And I never saw the writing that was on the wall
If I'd only knew
The days were slipping past
That the good things never last
That you were crying

Summer turned to winter
And the snow it turned to rain
And the rain turned into tears upon your face
I hardly recognized the girl you are today
And god I hope it's not too late
It's not too late
'Cause you are not alone
I'm always there with you
And we'll get lost together
Till the light comes pouring through
'Cause when you feel like you're done
And the darkness has won
Babe, you're not lost
When your worlds crashing down
And you can't bear the thought
I said, babe, you're not lost

Life can show no mercy
It can tear your soul apart
It can make you feel like you've gone crazy
But you're not
Things have seem to changed
There's one thing that's still the same
In my heart you have remained
And we can fly fly fly away

'Cause you are not alone
And I am there with you
And we'll get lost together
Till the light comes pouring through
'Cause when you feel like you're done
And the darkness has won
Babe, you're not lost
When the worlds crashing down
And you can not bear to crawl
I said, baby, you're not lost
I said, baby, you're not lost
I said, baby, you're not lost
I said, baby, you're not lost

Natasha Bedingfield- Soulmate

Incompatible, it don't matter though
'cos someone's bound to hear my cry
Speak out if you do
You're not easy to find

Is it possible Mr. Loveable
Is already in my life?
Right in front of me
Or maybe you're in disguise

Who doesn't long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Somebody tell me why I'm on my own
If there's a soulmate for everyone

Here we are again, circles never end
How do I find the perfect fit
There's enough for everyone
But I'm still waiting in line

Who doesn't long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Somebody tell me why I'm on my own
If there's a soulmate for everyone

If there's a soulmate for everyone

Most relationships seem so transitory
They're all good but not the permanent one

Who doesn't long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Somebody tell me why I'm on my own
If there's a soulmate for everyone

Who doesn't long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Somebody tell me why I'm on my own
If there's a soulmate for everyone
If there's a soulmate for everyone

He was my 1st. I didn't mean to make him hate me but then I didn't want him to neglect the other girl. I am not a selfish person neither am I am too cruel to reject a person to be my friend. It's ok if you don't want to forgive me cos' you have hated me so much. I am glad I did make you hate me cos' I really wanted you to move on with your life. Yes, I wasn't ready to accept love. From onwards, I will just wait for love to come to me like what Azmi told me yesterday.You are right dude. And for my twin, both of us have the same feelings & the same situation. I could feel her feelings deep down.My tears were flowing when I saw tears in her eyes though she didn't say it out. Someone born on the same day as you & is very close to you. She is like my long lost sibling.

Chapter 150: I will be alright

2007-10-17T09:11:00.000+08:00

Anggun- I will be alright

Tell me is it worth the pain
When our pride plays the wrong game
Blinded by suspicious mind
Thougt u could read my heart and cross the line

In everything u see
Keep everything back me

Though my broken heart, tear my dreams apart
I’ll be alright
I’ll be alright

Just a broken heart, not a word to fight
I’ll be alright
I’ll be alright

Deep that bad taste in your mouth
Half your truth stay on your side
Unleash all your demons free
They’ve been hiding
All that u’ve refused to see
Take everything back me

Though my broken heart, tear my dreams apart
I’ll be alright
I’ll be alright

Just a broken heart, not a word to fight
I’ll be alright
I’ll be alright

Obvious inside I’ll be alright

Through the years, many tears
I have wasted
I’ve moved on,
moving on

Can’t erased can’t replaced
What I’ve tasted
Life’s goes on,
an on…

Chapter 149:I am starting anew

2007-10-16T08:52:00.000+08:00

Though I am starting anew, I am still EMOTIONLESS.

What to do?

You left my life taking away ALL my feelings leaving me emotionless.

Maybe there's a blessing in disguise.
Maybe GOD has arranged for me a better partner.
Maybe I am too dumb to understand love.

But 1 thing for sure, I am SINGLE now.

I don't blame anyone for it. I don't like to bear grudges.

Yesterday someone text me a message; the same message that was asked few months back.

I replied, " I don't know what my feelings are right now. Cos I am emotionless."

That person didn't reply but I know that person is still hoping.

Please don't hope anymore cos' you've got someone else who is much more in love with you.Don't ever leave her for me. Don't!!

Whatever it is, it's just a phase of my life. Went through it and survived!

Yeah!

*winks*

Chapter 148: And after that post...

2007-10-11T14:36:00.000+08:00

I chance upon someone's blog just few minuter after previous post. God reveal to me the truth on this day, 11th October 2007.

Seriously I am dead tired. I want to let it all go.

It's my destiny, my fate.

Care to lend me a shoulder to cry on....

anybody?

Chapter 147: Prison Break 3

2007-10-11T13:21:00.000+08:00

Yup, Prison Break have entered season 3 and it has started airing on 17 September 2007 in the States.

hehe..I have watched 3 episodes of the latest season. Don't ask me where. Top secret. Season 3 focuses on Scofield in the dungeon like place in Panama. It's more gory I should say with inmates trying to live each day aka survivor style.

Anyway, wishing all Muslims, Selamat Hari Raya or Eid Mubarak.

P.S: Watched as the 1st Malaysian astronaut took off to outer space yesterday. Amazing I should say as he departed in the holy month of Ramadhan. Once in a lifetime.Astagfirullah.

Chapter 146: Closer to GOD

2007-09-25T13:13:00.000+08:00

In this month of Ramadhan, I will not blog as much as before. I wish to be closer to GOD.

~Peace, Love & Respect~

Chapter 146: Lost & Forgotten

2007-09-15T10:11:00.000+08:00

This is the combine dperformance during an awards event held at Genting Highlands last Saturday; Anugerah Era.

I love their performance, especially Nikki soprano voice that gives me goosebumps.

Thanks to Klubbkidd for the video.

Diddy feat Nikki & Dayang Nurfaizah - Hilang (lost)

Another great performance during that awards night is Akhbar & Tukang Kata. It gives me goosebumps too watching the video when Tukang Kata really was crying when he was rapping.

Akhbar & Tukang Kata- Manusia Lupa (People forgot)

Inject me with morphine.

Which one do you want my tag to be:
1. ~Truth, Lies & Hurt~
OR
2. ~Peace, Love & Respect~

I believe both tags are the names of Letto & Gigi albums...Right?

Chapter 145: 2 songs with same title

2007-09-12T09:37:00.000+08:00

2 songs that goes with the same title, with the same composer; Audi Mok. Love these songs, the flow, the feel of the song. These songs give me goosebumps. Let me be emo today. Just today, before tomorrow we Muslims start the fasting month.

Diddy (AF4)- Hilang

Dayng Nurfaizah- Hilang

I don't know but I feel like putting up the next video. Don't know why. Only God knows. A new song from Ungu's new album.

Ungu- Kekasih Gelapku

And the following is my a new song from their new album; Peace, Love & Respect. love their band so much.

GIGI- nakal

I got to go.

Just make me SMILE.

~Peace , love & respect~

Chapter 144: When I fall in love

2007-09-08T19:54:00.000+08:00

Glenn Fredly ft. Dewi Sandra - When I Fall In Love

[glenn]

When I fall in love

It will be forever

Or I’ll never fall in love

In a restless world

Like this is

Love is ended before it’s begun

And too many

Moonlight kisses

Seem to cool in the warmth of the sun

[dewi]

When I fall in love

It will be forever

Or I’ll never fall in love

In a restless world

Like this is

Love is ended before it’s begun

And too many

Moonlight kisses

Seem to cool in the warmth of the sun

[glenn]

When I give my heart

It will be completely

Or I’ll never give my heart

And the moment I can feel that

you feel that way too

when I fall in love with you

[dewi]

when I give my heart, baby

it will be completely

or i’ll never, no i’ll never give my heart

[glenn+dewi]

and the moment I can feel that

you feel that way too, baby baby

when i fall in love with you

when i fall in love

when i fall in love with you

From: LirikLaguIndonesia.Net

Will upload the video from Youtube soon. Was watching MTV JUS this afternoon when I saw this video clip. It's so romantic.

It's about me & him.

~peace, love & respect~

Chapter 142: When you are gone

2007-08-29T09:48:00.000+08:00

Wednesday- Was woken with a call. A wake up call rather that really shook my life. My dearest Uncle passed away suddenly. I couldn't go to the funeral now as I am feeling sick. I am having high fever. It will be hard on his family especially my Aunt.

I believe he had an accident in his workplace and was rushed to the hospital but was unable to be resuscitated. He passed away in the hospital.

The following song captures the whole momentum of the lost.

Avril Lavigne- When you are gone

I always needed time on my own
I never thought I'd need you there when I cried
And the days feel like years when I'm alone
And the bed where you lie
is made up on your side

When you walk away
I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now?

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
All the words I need to hear to always get me through the day
And make it OK
I miss you

I've never felt this way before
Everything that I do
Reminds me of you
And the clothes you left
they lie on the floor
And they smell just like you
I love the things that you do

When you walk away
I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now?

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
And when you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day
And make it OK
I miss you

We were made for each other
Out here forever
I know we were
Yeah Yeah

All I ever wanted was for you to know
Everything I do I give my heart and soul
I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here with me
Yeah

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear will always get me through the day
And make it OK
I miss you

That's all. I got to rest. I am getting sick after hearing the terrible news.

290807 Rest In Peace

Chapter 141: Malay movies trailer

2007-08-28T15:31:00.000+08:00

Okies, there's 1 thing that is able to re energise me that is MOVIES.

Know of some Malay movies coming up and some has been on the run in the cinemas overseas. So here are the trailers. Enjoys.

Anak Halal (Coming soon)

Impak Maksimsa (Just released)

Kayangan (Just released)

9 September (Coming Soon)

Antoo Fighter (Not so soon) Exclusive to this blog, you got to see the trailer.

Alrite that's all the movie trailers I got for you readers. Be sure to catch them in cinemas or VCDs soon. The original not pirated ones ya. To end off, enjoy this video clip by Pop Shuvit- Mara Bahaya (OST Impak Maksima)

Bye...

Chapter 140: Where do I start?

2007-08-28T13:31:00.000+08:00

Where should I start? From where....??

Thursday- Watched Apocalypto VCD.
Thursday night, someone ask me something that hasn't happened since the last 3 years. Didn't eat my dinner. Kept weeping alone in room at night.

Friday- Watched Melissa P. and Love is Cinta VCDs
I see myself like Melissa in the story except for those erotic thoughts she had.

Saturday- Went out with Mom to get some stuffs. Came back home in frustration.

Sunday- Was not feeling well.Went out again and again came back in frustration. Can't find what I wanted to buy.

Monday- Went out with the girlfriends to Sis house. Never went to East Coast Park.

Tuesday- Hrmmm.....

I am too weak now.Anybody care to re energise me again?Love these 2 video clips.

6ixth Sense- Tak bisa memilihmu

Amy Winehouse- Tears dry on their own

Chapter 139: Love me or leave me

2007-08-19T11:59:00.000+08:00

Intended to find a specific song but I chance upon this....mere coincidence or just....haish....

I am emotionless now......

Serious....

Oh God....give me strength...

Chapter 138:License to wed

2007-08-17T20:19:00.000+08:00

Watched that movie today with Orange Freak today. Now I know why he anted me to watch that movie. I understand his intention. A marriage is not an easy task that you can just take any Tom Dick or Harry off any streets and say I Do the next day. It's about the spiritual, emotional aspect that matters and the level of understanding one got to have before tying the knot, the communication level, the trust you put in that person matters.

I don't know why I am ranting but I always have been. Haha.

Though our road may be tough and rocky but I pray to GOD everyday to make our journey sail smoothly. I just want him to be the one and the last one for me.

Alrite, I got to end here. Got to study for my EXAMS. Haish....My last 2 papers of my final year.

See ya readers around.

Chapter 137: Matters of the heart

2007-08-14T15:54:00.000+08:00

It’s been quite a while since I blog. So many things happened in such a short period of time. I don’t know where to begin BUT 1 thing for sure is that I am so HAPPY now with his presence in my life.

It happened so quickly that only GOD knows what’s in my heart.

Class gathering, Nurses’ Day cum National Day in school, National Day at Marina Bay, last day at school and ORANGE FREAK.

First of all I want to say, I am going to miss ALL of my course mates. All the crap we talked all day, the nonsense my tutorial group gave to the lecturers. Haha. Yes, I admit my group is notorious but we still are able to focus when it’s time to focus. I will miss the laughter by Karine, Christine, Jac, Ivy. I will miss lame jokes by Keng Soon. I will miss Mala’s motherly touch to the whole class and being my BEST FRIEND. I will miss Bee Ching’s ever readiness. I will miss Judith OCD actions which includes me too. I will miss Lulu’s cute pictures that she always sends me. I will miss Samantha’s weird ways of doing things and also her crazy thoughts that include me too. I will miss Yana’s voice and her coolness. I will miss Es, Sam and Nisa picture taking be it in lectures or classes. I will miss Fatimah’s naughty jokes she told me. I will miss Joyce and her big stomach, just hope that her baby will be healthy. I will miss Cui Cui’s with her cute thumb drive that always irritate me. I will miss doing video editing, miss taking pictures, and I will miss my clique of friends. I just miss them. My poly life is ending and next is my working life. Haish….

Soon, I will miss my SNASC NYP clique too. Haish...

Moving on…..

I just want to say I am attached. My heart says, “It’s him.” I just don’t want to lose him. He’s too dear to me. It feels so different when I am with ORANGE FREAK. He is my EVERTHING. It’s so weird when you saw someone for a few minutes and you feel that you have known that person for the LONGEST time. ORANGE FREAK & WHITE ROSEBUD.

Don’t want to be “Hurt” and become a “Victim of a foolish heart.” No more “Rehab” for me. No more “I don’t love you.” “Never Again.”

ShaIma.

Chapter 136: Emotionless

2007-07-26T20:14:00.000+08:00

Tests after tests, presentation after presentation, assignment after assignment went by, leaving me emotionless and didn't bother about my personal space and even negotiating my health at some point of time.

What's past is past. Don't bring up the past just like you can't bring the dead to life. I don't want that person to co-exist in my life in this moment in my life maybe in the next 10 years. Never, I want to see that person.

Well, whatever.

Many things happen in my life.

The other day went to EXPO and watch Mawi perform. Indeed, he has a strong following in Singapore too. Talks about them searching for "Saliha" for the movie starring the lad itself is over. I don't think she's suitable. Well, this is exclusive news. Serious. For me, "Saliha" should be the "Last Malay Woman" to exist on earth, if you watch "Perempuan Melayu Terakhir" you will know what I mean.

I got to take pictures using the camera that professionals usually use. So happy even though it means taking 1 photo. I will be delighted to =)

By the way, the poster at the start of the entry is just for promotional purposes. Do tag me if you are interested be it member or non member of SNA.

Frankly speaking, I only wish 2 types of people exists in this world that are geriatric and children with the irony of me being a teenager myself. Haha.

I want a new laptop....huhur...brother, when are you getting your payment?...huhur...

Numb in my heart.

Chapter 135: 13 July 2007

2007-07-13T21:02:00.000+08:00

13 July 2007, Friday the 13. So what's the BIG deal even though the Westerners say it's a bad day BUT being a Muslim, I believe it's one of those many fridays where Muslim men went to Friday prayers.

I like this song so much now.

Dixie Chicks- Not ready to make nice

Forgive, sounds good
Forget, I’m not sure I could
They say time heals everything
But I’m still waiting

I’m through with doubt
There’s nothing left for me to figure out
I’ve paid a price
And I’ll keep paying

I’m not ready to make nice
I’m not ready to back down
I’m still mad as hell and
I don’t have time to go round and round and round
It’s too late to make it right
I probably wouldn’t if I could
‘Cause I’m mad as hell
Can’t bring myself to do what it is you think I should

I know you said
Can’t you just get over it
It turned my whole world around
And I kind of like it

I made my bed and I sleep like a baby
With no regrets and I don’t mind sayin’
It’s a sad sad story when a mother will teach her
Daughter that she ought to hate a perfect stranger
And how in the world can the words that I said
Send somebody so over the edge
That they’d write me a letter
Sayin’ that I better shut up and sing
Or my life will be over

I’m not ready to make nice
I’m not ready to back down
I’m still mad as hell and
I don’t have time to go round and round and round
It’s too late to make it right
I probably wouldn’t if I could
‘Cause I’m mad as hell
Can’t bring myself to do what it is you think I should

I’m not ready to make nice
I’m not ready to back down
I’m still mad as hell and
I don’t have time to go round and round and round
It’s too late to make it right
I probably wouldn’t if I could
‘Cause I’m mad as hell
Can’t bring myself to do what it is you think I should

Forgive, sounds good
Forget, I’m not sure I could
They say time heals everything
But I’m still waiting

Quote of the day:
"Now we settle for half, and I like it better" - View frrom the bridge by Arthur Miller

Chapter 134: My decision

2007-07-08T20:13:00.000+08:00

**NOTE THAT THIS ENTRY IS IN MALAY**

Ditujukan untuk kamu jika kamu membaca ini dan aku pasti kamu membacanya.

Mungkin, ini jawapannya kepada pertanyaan kamu.

Sukar untuk aku lafazkan dengan kamu tetapi aku tidak mahu menjadi alasan mengapa kamu dan dia berpisah. Aku bukan perampas. Lupakan aku saja. Dia lebih berhak menerima cintamu.

Jangan ditanya kenapa aku buat begitu, aku tidak mahu mendesak kamu untuk membuat keputusan. Kau meninggalkan dia begitu dan aku tahu betapa sakit hatinya dia.

Pulanglah kepadanya. Fahamilah bait-bait lirik ini.

AKU BUKAN UNTUKMU
(Rossa)

Dahulu kau mencintaiku
Dahulu kau menginginkanku
Meskipun tak pernah ada jawabku
Tak berniat kau tinggalkan aku
Sekarang kau pergi menjauh
Sekarang kau tinggalkan aku
Di saat ku mulai mengharapkanmu
Dan kumohon maafkan aku
Aku menyesal tlah membuatmu menangis
Dan biarkan memilih yang lain
Tapi jangan pernah kau dustai takdirmu
Pasti itu terbaik untukmu
Janganlah lagi kau mengingatku kembali
Aku bukanlah untukmu
Meski ku memohon dan meminta hatimu
Jangan pernah tinggalkan dirinya
Untuk diriku
Sekarang kau pergi menjauh
Sekarang kau tinggalkan aku
Disaat ku mulai mengharapkanmu
Dan kumohon maafkan aku
Aku menyesal telah membuatmu menangis
Dan biarkan memilih yang lain
Tapi jangan pernah kau dustai takdirmu
Pasti itu terbaik untukmu
Janganlah lagi kau mengingatku kembali
Aku bukanlah untukmu
Meski ku memohon dan meminta hatimu
Jangan pernah tinggalkan dirinya
Meski ku memohon dan meminta hatimu
Jangan pernah tinggalkan dirinya
Untuk diriku

Meskipun hatiku remuk tapi aku inginkan kamu bahagia dengan dia.

Lupakan aku.

Chapter 133: Why I do feel this way?

2007-07-06T21:01:00.000+08:00

Post Tuesday, I feel something wrong with me. I don't why.

Maybe this song suits me best.

Rossa Terlalu Cinta (Lyrics)

Jangan dekat atau jangan datang kepadaku lagi
Aku semakin tersiksa karena tak memilikimu
Kucoba jalani hari dengan pengganti dirimu
Tapi hatiku selalu berpihak lagi padamu

Mengapa semua ini terjadi kepadaku

Tuhan maafkan diri ini
Yang tak pernah bisa menjauh dari angan tentangnya
Namun apalah daya ini
Bila ternyata sesungguhnya aku terlalu cinta dia

Tapi hatiku selalu berpihak lagi padamu

Mengapa semua ini terjadi kepadaku

Tuhan maafkan diri ini
Yang tak pernah bisa menjauh dari angan tentangnya
Namun apalah daya ini
Bila ternyata sesungguhnya aku terlalu cinta dia

Mengapa semua ini terjadi kepadaku

Tuhan maafkan diri ini
Yang tak pernah bisa menjauh dari angan tentangnya
Namun apalah daya ini
Bila ternyata sesungguhnya aku terlalu cinta dia

Aku terlalu cinta dia

Tell me what's wrong with me.

Post script.
Anyone has Angela Zhang- Bu Tong mp3? I love the melody.

Chapter 132: 5 years ago

2007-07-05T17:18:00.000+08:00

Tuesday, 3rd July 2007.

Someone told me something that caused me to refelct on my past 5 years ago. I was 14 years old then. Still unable to make out decisions, precocious, silly, playful( I still am till now) and not yet matured yet.

That was 5 years ago. That same feeling I had when you told me on Tuesday the same as when you told me 5 years ago.

I am confused. But if you ask me now with the same question, I am able to state why I rejected or accept. I am more independent and able to stand on my own decisions.

That's ONE thing I have learnt throughout my life is to be independent and not depend on others to think or do work for me. I want to be able to stand on my own. In other words, "You don't mess with me NOW."

Call me whatever you like, call me slave driver (you know who but hey, I seriously don't mind), I don't mind because I know I want to the best for myself and to others too.

My mother always asks me "Why are you doing more work than others?" I told her, not that I do more work but I want to do the best for my group.

Back on Tuesday's topic, if you ask me that question again NOW after 5 years, I might consider accepting. I will lie to myself if I say I didn't feel anything.

5 years ago, it was you not me who did the mistake.

Let me alone know what's going on in my life.

Subscript:
I feel like entering the Golden Award Point 07 this year. I had begun writing yesterday =P